Not sure why I'm feeling ok and feeling so many urges to b/p, but to be honest with you I'm really not caring about it. I want it and I give in, why?......I have no clue I just am and I just do. Every night that has been my routine when I get home from work, binge and purge, binge and purge, binge and purge.....I'm feeling pretty numb right now, my stress level is pretty high up and feeling the complete anxiety of the reality that I have to tell A what is and has been going on and I just don't want to....I want to cop out and write a letter or send and email so that I can get it all out but god knows that is not the right thing to do at all. However neither is what I have been doing to her, I need to realize that this thing whatever it is with M is not about her its about me.....for once dammit its about me.
I still cannot figure out how I'm going to ask her to meet me, where do I do it, what do I say, how do I say it, how do I deal with the reaction I will be getting (which I know will be terrible) but I deserve it to be nothing less!
M told me again that he would do it but that just does not feel right, however neither does me telling her!
So many people are going to be angry with me over this, god knows how I'm going to be able to show my face in town. SMALL TOWN!!!!!!!!! VERY SMALL TOWN!! Hey Carla wanna come with me..haha I know that's terrible but god I seriously need people who care about me for me and not for things I have done! Although not intentional how do you help who you care about?
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8 comments:
Yes, I will come.
When?
UGH Carla your so not supposed to say yes...that means I have to do it then!!!!!! haha
Honestly I could not think of a better person to support me! Not sure when I can do it yet still sick about it and she has court next week for costudy with M so I don't want to ruin anything with that, but I have to warn you, it may be to pretty after it happens..
Lots o drinks,,,,,,
Thank you sweetie!!!!
xo Lauren
Email me girl.
Good for you coming out with the truth, but you can't please everybody. If M is "completely single" there is nothing wrong with what you have together. Are you so worried about this that its allowing you to b/p so much?
Thanks Beth- Not to sure what I'm worried about but maybe a bit more about the fact that if I focus on the b/p'ng then I don't have to face the A situation....Makes me ill.
How are you sweetie!
xo lauren
Yep. When I am trying to avoid something is generally when I'm b/p a lot. It sounds like you don't think you can stand up to this. You aren't a horrible person Lauren. You aren't. I wish I could be all self-righteous for you but I can't. Beth said it. If M is single then you have nothing to be ashamed of.
xo
Faith
If I didn't say yes, I would not be met. And it's a great excuse for seeing you. So there.
Whatcha doing on Sunday?
So...when? HHHMMMMMMMMM?
and btw, i meant ME up above, not MET.
i'm a dork who can't type
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