As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to
ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken
probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts
too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with
your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose
someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love
like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Happy Friday
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Feeling frustrated with me!
So this morning was so terrible I cannot even begin to express what a horrible mom I feel like!
Little C drove me up the wall, I swear sometimes I want to pull out all of my hair and run and hide. He is a great amazing kid, don't get me wrong but this am like every he wakes up and seriously the first thing out of his mouth is "I WANT" weather it be juice, or cartoons or whatever, and there is never a please or thank you or good morning. Like always I gave him what he wanted "my wrong I know" and when it was time to go he threw a fit and would not get up and would not listen to anything I said. I started to yell and get angry and actually for the first time ever I raised my hand to spank him. Never did it but I never raise my hand or get that close to it. I was so mad at myself but man I did not know what to do. I hate feeling like a bad mom, and I know in my heart I'm not but to get so frustrated with him makes me feel like shit and throws me right into b/p mode. Not his fault but mine I know, because I need to start standing my ground with him more so that he gets that "I'm serious" when I say something. So much easier to just give in sometimes.
I love him so much I just don't feel like I know how to be a good mom. When I was in treatment this last year, one thing that we talked about (lisa and I) was how I felt like I did not want to be a mom at times, and just wanted to be me because it was so hard. Don't get me wrong I would NEVER trade my little man for anything but being sick and tired and alone makes it so hard sometimes. I feel like I don't even know who I am at times, and I feel like such shit for saying that because I am so lucky to even have him. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I hate me for feeling like this.
My head hurts really bad today and my cough is never ending. What is a single lonely mom to do with all of these feelings but b/p?
Little C drove me up the wall, I swear sometimes I want to pull out all of my hair and run and hide. He is a great amazing kid, don't get me wrong but this am like every he wakes up and seriously the first thing out of his mouth is "I WANT" weather it be juice, or cartoons or whatever, and there is never a please or thank you or good morning. Like always I gave him what he wanted "my wrong I know" and when it was time to go he threw a fit and would not get up and would not listen to anything I said. I started to yell and get angry and actually for the first time ever I raised my hand to spank him. Never did it but I never raise my hand or get that close to it. I was so mad at myself but man I did not know what to do. I hate feeling like a bad mom, and I know in my heart I'm not but to get so frustrated with him makes me feel like shit and throws me right into b/p mode. Not his fault but mine I know, because I need to start standing my ground with him more so that he gets that "I'm serious" when I say something. So much easier to just give in sometimes.
I love him so much I just don't feel like I know how to be a good mom. When I was in treatment this last year, one thing that we talked about (lisa and I) was how I felt like I did not want to be a mom at times, and just wanted to be me because it was so hard. Don't get me wrong I would NEVER trade my little man for anything but being sick and tired and alone makes it so hard sometimes. I feel like I don't even know who I am at times, and I feel like such shit for saying that because I am so lucky to even have him. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I hate me for feeling like this.
My head hurts really bad today and my cough is never ending. What is a single lonely mom to do with all of these feelings but b/p?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Im BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK
Well hello there all my lovely's!!!!!
So I'm back.....I think....No I am, maybe not as often as I would like but for a now this is what I have to offer.
This is so weird sitting here typing again because it feels like I have been gone forever when it has only been about a month.
Oh where Oh where to begin.....
Health..............hmmm maybe I won't start there.
Love.......ahh not there either...
Little C.....Perfect...... Little C is doing amazing, he is getting over being REALLY sick with the flu and his asthma/cough but is recovering well even though every single meal has become a life altering event. Him and I have been doing a lot of really fun things together, a few different amusement parks, the beach, the park, lunch and dinner dates, and lots and lots of snuggle time on the couch and in my cozy bed watching cartoons or playing Dora candy land! School is going good for him as well since the bitch teacher was fired and he seems to really love his new one which is great because I love her too.
Living situation "with roomie" well that has been interesting to say the least, all I do know for sure is that come the end of our lease I will be moving out. S and I have actually been getting along good lately however neither one of us have been spending a ton of time at home since our last blow up. Better that way I think because now when we are together we laugh and get along better. She is a post in herself, all the drama that she has in her life I find it hard to even begin to realise why and how she is able to make more for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl but god damn...COME ON already!
Ok now for me a bit...work is good been somewhat crazy but good, I have been out for a few due to getting the flu last week and a few other things so it makes it hard when you feel like shit to get back into the swing of things especially when you are the only one here like today....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
I'm finally starting to feel better, I have not had the flu in like 10 years so you can imagine what a baby I have been... I have no idea how people with multiply kids deal with getting sick because I wanted to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the hardest part was I had to take 3 days off of work as well as take care of C and I was not even allowed to really feel like shit because I was to worried about C and his fever! Being a mom so has its highs and lows. I left work today for about 2 hours to go to the dr's yet again to be told what I already knew and that was that I had Bronchitis... I got a few different meds to help with it 2 of them being inhalers which by god......They are working already. Thank heavens for modern medicine.
Oh hey before I go any further I need to give a huge loving shot out to Carla and dg.......God ladies I love you both so such and cannot tell you what a gift it was meeting and spending time with you both!!! Hugs and kisses!!!
Ok now for some mia talk.........I don't think I have ever been so comfortable in my ed as I am right now. That probably sounds really bad to say but the thing is I feel like I am in TOTAL control of it and not so much in a good way. I have been maintaining my goal weight for quite some times now minus the last week in which I have lost a bit but other than that mia has allowed me to be in charge which has been nice. I feel like I can engage when I want which sometimes is far to often or walk away and restrict. I am having trouble sitting down and writing this right now for some reason so I think I'm going to stop here....Not sure whats up with that but not going to dig to deep. Caution I guess.
I have no real love interest other than little C which is probably better that way, but have been spending some time with M here and there, friends really works for us, I laugh more with him that I have ever. To bad he is such a shita,,,haha not really.
God I was hoping there would be so many more interesting things to write about but baby steps right???? I will slide right back in soon I'm sure!!!
I also just wanted to let you all know how much I love you and thank you all for the support you have shown to me............muah to you!!!
So I'm back.....I think....No I am, maybe not as often as I would like but for a now this is what I have to offer.
This is so weird sitting here typing again because it feels like I have been gone forever when it has only been about a month.
Oh where Oh where to begin.....
Health..............hmmm maybe I won't start there.
Love.......ahh not there either...
Little C.....Perfect...... Little C is doing amazing, he is getting over being REALLY sick with the flu and his asthma/cough but is recovering well even though every single meal has become a life altering event. Him and I have been doing a lot of really fun things together, a few different amusement parks, the beach, the park, lunch and dinner dates, and lots and lots of snuggle time on the couch and in my cozy bed watching cartoons or playing Dora candy land! School is going good for him as well since the bitch teacher was fired and he seems to really love his new one which is great because I love her too.
Living situation "with roomie" well that has been interesting to say the least, all I do know for sure is that come the end of our lease I will be moving out. S and I have actually been getting along good lately however neither one of us have been spending a ton of time at home since our last blow up. Better that way I think because now when we are together we laugh and get along better. She is a post in herself, all the drama that she has in her life I find it hard to even begin to realise why and how she is able to make more for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl but god damn...COME ON already!
Ok now for me a bit...work is good been somewhat crazy but good, I have been out for a few due to getting the flu last week and a few other things so it makes it hard when you feel like shit to get back into the swing of things especially when you are the only one here like today....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
I'm finally starting to feel better, I have not had the flu in like 10 years so you can imagine what a baby I have been... I have no idea how people with multiply kids deal with getting sick because I wanted to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the hardest part was I had to take 3 days off of work as well as take care of C and I was not even allowed to really feel like shit because I was to worried about C and his fever! Being a mom so has its highs and lows. I left work today for about 2 hours to go to the dr's yet again to be told what I already knew and that was that I had Bronchitis... I got a few different meds to help with it 2 of them being inhalers which by god......They are working already. Thank heavens for modern medicine.
Oh hey before I go any further I need to give a huge loving shot out to Carla and dg.......God ladies I love you both so such and cannot tell you what a gift it was meeting and spending time with you both!!! Hugs and kisses!!!
Ok now for some mia talk.........I don't think I have ever been so comfortable in my ed as I am right now. That probably sounds really bad to say but the thing is I feel like I am in TOTAL control of it and not so much in a good way. I have been maintaining my goal weight for quite some times now minus the last week in which I have lost a bit but other than that mia has allowed me to be in charge which has been nice. I feel like I can engage when I want which sometimes is far to often or walk away and restrict. I am having trouble sitting down and writing this right now for some reason so I think I'm going to stop here....Not sure whats up with that but not going to dig to deep. Caution I guess.
I have no real love interest other than little C which is probably better that way, but have been spending some time with M here and there, friends really works for us, I laugh more with him that I have ever. To bad he is such a shita,,,haha not really.
God I was hoping there would be so many more interesting things to write about but baby steps right???? I will slide right back in soon I'm sure!!!
I also just wanted to let you all know how much I love you and thank you all for the support you have shown to me............muah to you!!!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
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