GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Could not come up with a better title than that!
GRRRRRRRR I so what I'm feeling. I just feel annoyed and frustrated today.
The weekend went really well, Friday date was nice and Sat was pretty kicked back other than cleaning and shopping all day for little C's party which by the way turned out awesome!!!!!
I can not remember the last time I was so stressed out when doing a party, however was able to keep my cool when it came to others figuring it out!~
There were about 30 people who showed up and he totally made out, bike, razor scooter, to many "cars" toys, clothes, more toys, movies, books, my god where am I going to put it all?
Needless to say I'm very ready for payday after paying for this thing.....ALONE at that. Oh and that reminds me, not that I really thought it would happen but I was really pissed that his dad (sperm donor) never called at all. FUCK YOU SAM!
Ugh sorry, but that is one name I could care less about getting out, I almost want to give the last name just so that if anyone out there ever comes into contact not that it would ever happen but if it did they would be forewarned on what a effing looser he is!
Ok enough of that.
I'm missing my Nana so much today, and I wish I could go see her. I need her love and support right now. My mom has been dealing with so much lately and I feel like I cannot do anything to help, I just want my family to be ok and I know that there is nothing I can do to make that happen.
Why can't I just save everyone?? Being a Libra sucks sometimes. I cannot even help myself so how could I help anyone else? Make sense?
I'm so tired and I have slept more in the last 2 days than I have in months, I was in bed at 8:30 last night, that NEVER happens.
So last night I came home and hung with my roomie she was really upset and I just wanted to be there for her, I kinda blew off M on the phone because I really wanted to talk to her and don't know if it was weird or not, actually I really don't care right now!
Things have been really good with him but I hate saying that because I feel like I screw it up when I do.
Feelings today:
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Angry
Excited
Tired
Pathetic
Very over weight
Ugly
SO Ugly I hate these days!
So white (I think I only get that one)
Mostly my stomach just hurts
I had a really bad night with the B/P'g
I cannot even thing about what I ate and how many purging episodes I had. I try after I binge to think of all of you and how many times others have been able to sit with and threw there uncomfortable feelings of being full and I cannot do it, not matter how hard I try I just can never do it.....Pisses me off.
My nerves are still shot and feeling more and more like a shity person and friend everyday because A and I have been in more contact. When she showed up to little C's party the first thing she did was to talks shit about M and I had to change the subject because I just could not deal, I felt terrible about it but it was my sons birthday party and not her day to whine, so I hope I did the right thing.....
Well work is crazy this week but I wanted to let you know that I check in ever sec I get!! Miss all of you
love Lauren