How do you get over that horrible urge to get ahold of someone you know you shouldn't?
That is my question for today! Confused!!
Seems like it is one of those questions like "Why can't I stop binging and purging"?
No answer simply time, right?
Fuck time, I'm sick and tired of that being the answer, one day at a time Lauren, one step at a time, in time you will feel better, take time for yourself.....Are you kidding me?
Time does nothing except make me deal with all of these issues longer than I want to. It extends the healing process, and the hurting painful feeling all of the voices going off inside and worst of all the b/p'ng.
I would like to say it was a productive weekend, and to a point it was but it also was difficult. I have not talked to M since last Thursday and it was all fine until this am, for some reason this am it has been really hard. I just want to email or text him so I can say hi and that I hope he had a great weekend with his daughter,,,, but I know that will do nothing but make me look pathetic and I refuse to let him see that I have feelings about this. He does not deserve that.
Ugh I just need someone to take his place.......
Went out with my gf on Friday and had a great time, it was a bit weird because my brother his gf and another girl lets just call her L, anyways we were having a great time, and L started totally hitting on me, not that I have not dealt with this issue before because I have but this time it felt weird, part of me was totally turned off and a bit annoyed, but the other part of me wanted nothing more but to be open to the idea of it, I felt like everything I talked to her about that night she heard and really cared about but not in a friend way in a I guess you could say a partner way. I have been in situations with women before in my life (sorry this is so personal) but not in many many years, and basically just doing the experimentation thing but this felt a bit scary and unfamiliar. So needless to say I turned away like I always do and ran to the hottest guy in the bar, so I could flirt and simply not care about anything that was going on in my head. This guy will call him J haha total hottie and totally only 24 which always seems to happen, anyways drunk me never fails to give out my number and now he will not stop calling, he called as soon as we left the bar, shit what ever happened to the 3 day rule haha not really I hate that rule! But now I have to be a big wimp and ignore him which seems mean or I have to be honest which seem just like to much to deal with right now!!!
God is it really almost Thanksgiving???? UGH so not looking forward to it....Depressing one this year. I feel like this is the only Holiday I am not good at when it comes to Little C. Oh well I guess if that's the worst thing I have lots to be grateful for!!!!
I will do my list later this week
Not sure where I was going with this post, random......ugh I'm sick of that word!
I miss my nana!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Ya know, from all of my life experiences, and others experiences, and also from my counseling education, I'm not sure anyone has ever truly been happy with someone else until they truly become happy with themselves first.
Replacements are just band aids. Hate to break it to ya. Gotta get to the source of the issue. It might not be what you want, but..9 times out of 10, if you handle the source..life gets better.
If you ever have any free time google Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It might have some helpful info for fine tuning your self talk and confidence or if you have a counselor maybe bring it up in session. Just a suggestion..think it might be a good fit.
Hope you have a peaceful Thanksgiving.
thinking of you lauren. all week.
love,
ae
Lauren, you sound like me with the wanting to replace the guy, lol! But hey, you must be pretty special if this hottie 24 yr old won't stop calling. You should send him my way :) I got rejected today by a guy I didn't even like!
I wish you lived in Texas so we could go to the bar together!
Anyway, is there anything you can do for little C to make Thanksgiving memorable? Like an art project or letting him help you cook? Do you have a plan for eating? Mine is to have a little bit of whatever looks good, but only one plate.
there is nothing wrong with random-ness!
dare i ask what your plans are for the holiday? you can always ditch em and meet me for a movie!
Come on, girl... seems to me you need a good break on that mess.
Take care.
Kissy, kissy.
Jade- thanks for the great thoughts, I'm always open to possibilities, I'm totally going to check out the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy stuff!
I hope you have a great Thanksgiving and I'm really glad I have found you!
SO sweet you are
ae- I will be thinking about yuo too sweetie
beth, Girl I so wish I was in Texas too trust me,,,we would have lots of fun!! Always in need of bar buddies, your more than that though!!!
Simply men suck and I'm over it! The 24 y/o I swear won't get the hint.......
I love your idea of an art project with little C now I just have to think of one!!! Hee
Love ya
Carla, I simply treasure you!
Quint---ugh I sooooooooooo hear you... Trust me!!!
xoxo
Post a Comment