My weight scared me this am!

First thing first, thank you all so much for your support. I so needed it on Friday.

Ok so thankfully Thursday night I slept amazing, and with no meds can you believe that??? Friday I got up and felt so sick, I was almost numbed by the fear and anger I was feeling. All that and I had to drive to Sacramento which is not a long drive but sure felt like it that morning! I stopped and picked up my sister on the way and we made our rounds to the nearest Starbucks...got on the road and before I knew it, it was 11:25 and we were there. I walked into the office holding onto my sister tighter than I had ever held anything wanting to run the other way but somehow I just kept little C's face in my head and sat down to fill out the 8000 forms that were there waiting for me. By the time I got to the last two forms I gave up and my sister had to fill them out, I just could not do it anymore. While I was sitting there 3 girls came into the waiting room, and you could totally see how all of us were sizing each other up each one feeling fatter and more disgusting than the next and all of us wanting to leave. The deep breaths were endless and each one louder than the one before. It was unbearable in this room! Finally a woman called my name and brought me back, her name was Kristine (let say)! As it turns out Mark was not going to be taking me in it was now Kristine, which I was actually happy about because I was really struggling with the issue of a man taking my life story in 45 min. just made me feel even more like crap!

So the questions began and so did the crying and not being able to breathe and the tingling and numbness, and loss of any bit of memory I have. My head was totally out of it!
I felt so out of control and just wanted to hide!!!!!
But........I didn't! I split as much as I was able to! I figure I have nothing else to lose right!
SO the interview went on for about an hour and after it was over she told me that she was going to have to weigh me, so we did. I honestly did not realize how bad I was about my weight til this very moment of being weighed. It read from what I saw 90lbs and I asked the woman what she read and she said 93lbs, I about freaked out on her ass. I said there is no way I gained 2 lbs. So she said ok lets do this again and when we did well who was right????? ME! ERRRRR I hate how bad the scale makes me feel about myself. I wanted to rip her head off and for what?? a stupid 3 lbs.
Ugh, well after that she went and met with a few of the Dr.s and came back and said that they wanted me to go directly to the ER. They said that she were very worried about my status, whatever that means! They also said that I had to have a medical clearance before they would allow me into the program. I told them there was no way I was going to the ER because I was fine but I did call my Dr. and made an apt with her for a physical which she ended up having an opening on Friday so I got labs, EKG, and physical done then! All was ok I think! LONG ASS DAY I started at 6:30 am and got home at 7pm. I was pooped!!!! Still am actually, this weekend was a hard one, I feel like the closer I get to find out anything the worse I get, My weight went down to 87.6 this am, which I'm sorry if that is a trigger but like PTC has said several times, it's my blog,,,,,thanks PTC! anyways I was actually scared. Maybe that is a good thing I don't know but what I do know is that I thought I would be happy when I got back to the 80's and all I feel is tension. Not enough to not purge though! I think I realized that before I was at least snacking here and there between the b/p but now I realized that I may have a bite of something but nothing else! What is wrong I want this nightmare to be over!
I will find out what program they recommend today or tomorrow!