Ok so I went in for my EKG and blood work yesterday which all came back ok other than my electrolytes being off and being dehydrated but at least my heart is fine which I knew would be. SO that is all good news, but bad news is I got on the scale and it was 2 lbs higher than our scale at work which is calibrated as well, what the hell, which one is right? This has been weighing on my mind since I left the hospital at 8:45 yesterday morning. It is really driving me crazy not knowing the truth! Or thinking that I could actually be 2 lbs heavier than what I thought I was. I really wish I was able to go deeper with all of this because it all seems so superficial I know there has to be other stuff going on but god no matter how hard I try to think of anything else I find my way back to purging and nothing else! I was having a conversation with my step mom last night and she was a complete mess, her family is a bunch of losers and they have completely disowned her and her sister for no good reason other than they are CRAZY! Anyways she was telling me about how her sister has a bad heart and that her mom called to tell her and she started having a panic attack while we were just talking about it! I hate seeing her in pain, it scared the poo out of me! She also told me a few stories about my dads sisters and how they are. Basically they are a bunch of caddy bitches, stuck up rich snobs who care about nobody but themselves and it makes me sick to even be related to them after hearing how they treated her!
I feel like I have no energy to take on other BIG issues but I so owe it to her, she listens to me all the time and the least I can do is quit my selfish me me me me me attitude and be there for someone else! I hate this state of mind!
SO I am going to a new group tonight, not so into it though, I'm just so damn tired! I want to get into treatment yesterday so I can deal with this shit and get on with my life, but after yesterday and going to the Dr's all I feel is that I got an ok to keep doing what I have been until I go and who knows when or where I will be able to get in. Maybe tonight is so the right thing for me. I will give it all I have even if I just sit there like an asshole like I usually do!
I also just want to send out my love and concern for Jen and her family and all of her friends out there that are so worried and care so much for her!
with love Lauren
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2 comments:
I hear ya on being too tired to go anywhere, but I hope the group is still good for you!
Hey Lauren!
I'm glad to hear that your tests came back normal, but it doesn't mean that you aren't sick. (Like I'm one to talk).
Doctor's scales are always wrong too, so don't go by that dumb thing!! Okay!
Jen's doing better. I talked to her this morning. :) Keep your love going though.
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