It can't be

Wow is it really already Wednesday? As of today I'm totally ready for Monday. Scared shit less but ready. I went to the Dr's yesterday and had to have another EKG and lab work up and my labs came back not so great, they said that my potassium amongst other things were way off so yesterday they started me on some oral potassium pill which are to big for even a horse to swallow. Funny thing is that the direction's say "can cause nausea unless taken with food", shoot do they know who they gave these things to? HaHa, I took one with a glass of strawberry milk yesterday and all seemed ok. I was feeling like total poo so I made myself keep it down. I'm also down in my weight again, which is not so great because I need to keep myself stable to get into the program.
Ok weirdest thing EVER, I know no one wants to really hear this but it totally threw me for a loop. I have not had my cycle in 3 months and yesterday out of the blue and at my low weight I started, is that even possible? I was completely shock and pissed at the same time. Made me start evaluating myself pretty hard. How could I have started?
Ok enough of that just made me wonder!
Work is pretty slow which is nice. I got a lot done this am. I talked to my boss on Monday and things went amazing!!!!! My boss was by far the coolest I have ever seen her! She was totally understanding and said that my job will be here waiting for me and to take as much time as I needed, she said that she would hire a temp so on Friday I get to train this temp, ick, but I guess I cannot complain. She said that all she wants is for me to get better and take care of myself. I even talked to our social worker who was a great deal of help to me, (very sweet)! My boss sort of has diarrhea of the mouth though and she told out dietitian and so yesterday when I was at my other job I got a call from her. Everyone is so amazing I do not even know why I questioned it!
The purging has gotten a bit worse in the last few days but I think it is just me trying to hold on or I don't know but it is so exhausting, I just want it to end.
I want to never have to stand on a scale or look at my body in the mirror again. I hate my body so much. I feel like crying every time I see the fat. The more I lose the fatter I feel. I don't understand. I really cannot imagine having to gain so soon but the little bit of my head that is still clear knows that I need to. I feel like men do not even look at me anymore. Makes me sad to think that I'm not worth looking at.
I hate my arms today well everyday but today they look especially skinny. Like long ass monkey arms. I'm a freaking ape! haha
Have to do grocery shopping for my step mom tonight and I'm totally dreading it! That is the one reason why I don't want work to be over today. The store is where I totally lose my mind and buy everything I shouldn't and why wouldn't I, I get away with the binging AND purging with my partents.
My dad came into my work today to get the keys for my apartment and met my boss. He totally charmed her. He does that with most women, totally handsome man and knows his shit no matter what the issue.
It was funny to watch.
SO my mom I totally forgot to write about this but she had met a guy online about 4 months ago and he lives in England, anyways he flew out to meet her for 8 day and just left on Monday. She was so excited and was so hoping to find love. Unfortunately that is not exactly what happened, she did however make a really good friend! I guess something like that is totally the risk that we take when we put ourselves out there. I wish I was in love....wow did I really just write that? Something must definitely be wrong with me.