Second Half

Warning/Caution- may be triggering but have to release! FOR ME!

What purging is for me:
Not so sure how to answer this one but it's a question in my head every time I engage!
* I feel as if every time is the first time
* I can breathe, even if only for a moment
* Power
* Control
* A sense of security that nothing or no one else can give me
* Sadness
* Lonely
* Anger
* Frustration
* Guilt
* Guilt
* GUILT
* I feel like no one gets me other than my ED
* I don't even get me
* Pathetic
* A high that can never be described no matter how hard I try
* Wanted by something or someone
* Out of Control
* Panic
* Peace
* Loved
* Balance- how weird is this one?
* Uneasy
* Lost
* Mostly alone

I'm sure there is a thousand more but those are what come to mind right now.
I just had an episode, I really don't like that word but whatever.....
I feel like my heart is going crazy and I cannot make it stop. I hate writing like this because when I go back and read it I barely remember writing it? Odd?

That last post, even though I really did not go into details, really got to me, I think! Can't think of what else it might be, other than a bit of anger that I thought I was past with M.
From the moment I hit publish post all I wanted to do was purge!
My words for the day are "TO SIMPLY RELEASE"
Ok I gotta stop this shit



add on: Your wallet won't get any fatter if you follow that growing urge to spend today. Keep walking by those store windows full of gorgeous clothes that you're just dying to put into your closet. It's time to remind yourself about the difference between wanting something and needing it. This applies to your personal life, too. Are you demanding too much from the people around you right now? If you want more attention, you should start by giving more attention.


Due to this scary horoscope I am taking the comment off of this post!