It is pouring here, I mean pouring!!! Really depressing actually. Trying not to let it get to me though!
Had a really long night and a few bad episode's since yesterdays posts.
Not feeling really guilty about it but having a hard time understanding why I purged a huge Chinese chicken salad, (god I know that sounds gross) sorry, and I kept down a cupcake-you know one Hostess yummy chocolate ones with the white swirl on top??
What is up with that?? Granted it was when I crawled into bed and I was STARVING! I did have to fight it for a bit but I won so there!
My head has been hurting a bit lately too. I think it is from the purging....I wish I was able to give this damn thing up, no questions asked! I'm not even losing any weight, I don't think! I refuse to get on the scale until I know for a fact that I have! I have to get out there that in NO way do I want to be 80 some odd lbs again EVER, but I do want to at least be a bit under my goal weight, not much but just a little, now is that to much to ask? I don't think so!
I feel like this blog has nothing to do anymore with recovery but only my bull shit, you would think I would get sick and tired of writing all of this but in all honesty I have not ok I'm lying I have but I just can't stop. This is all the healthy purging I have left since I refuse to go to the VA Therapist!
No more of them for me!!!
Having huge issues with Little C's daycare, I saw one of his teachers yelling quite loud and grabbing this child and roughly putting him into timeout!!! Not OK I called the Corporate office this morning and had I not been running totally late I would have told the kids mom this am, I feel terrible for it and am so pissed at myself for not doing it!! I also feel like the worst parent taking C back there but I have no option, no work equals no job which equals no money, I'm looking for alternative daycare right now! I need to get him out of there but I feel terrible about it because he will leave all of his little friends that he has known since he was 18 months old! WAHHHHH! Please tell me I am not horrible!
I talked to my step mom and she said that she will take him till I find alternative daycare....Thank god for that!!
I totally was pissed and went off on the lady before she even did that to the other child so I hope I did not contribute! I want to call someone else but I have no idea who else to call!
I'm scared that they will take my actions out on C!!!
I will work it out, I have no other choice!
As far as my ("issue") (hi jade wink wink)
still not ready to talk about it, actually feel a bit stronger about that then I did yesterday but who knows maybe I will sooner of later!!!
It just feels like more than I can handle right now!!!!
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2 comments:
(Wink Wink) hee hee. Awww sweety, you gotta keep blogging now. Its started a lot of positive "processes" (wink wink again lol) for you! You're building courage, you're gaining friends, you're learning options. Look at all that fabulousness! :-D
Sorry to hear that you've gotta deal with C's daycare issues. Thats been a common problem with people I know lately. Luckily C has a mom that gives a shit about him and his safety and is being choosey. :-D
Just sent ya a Essay not too long ago, I assume I'll hear from ya soon. In the mean time, take time to take care..? Meaning, treat you like I would treat you if you were visiting. Make it an experiment! Yes...I know I'm a nerd. :-D
Hey hon, I wish you had a good therapist to go to (though I understand why you don't want to do it through VA). It doesn't stop the behavior, but can be a regular check to focus you and give you things to think about.
Thinking of you, and praying many blessings for 2008!
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