"To be proud or not to be proud" that is the question

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl
said "No" and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank
martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook,
had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.
The End (Thought you would appreciate it PTC)!
My sister e-mailed this to me this morning and I loved it! Had to share!
So much has gone on in the last 24 hours, it is funny how that can happen in just 1 day. I worked my second job yesterday so I was not able to blog and by the time I got home it was 2 in the morning.
Work was good, a bit boring but got to hangout with my sister and that is always great. I never would have said that 10 years ago, well even less than that but since my son was born he somehow changed my relationship with everyone in my life. He so is my families miracle baby.
Had a really good morning no b/p although I did do the lax. Its sucha damn shame that my good streak only lasted until 12:30, ran out for the nasty local b and p. It hurt my chest actually hurt so bad, constant sharp pains. not to sure what that was from but I was bit worried.
So I knew for probably the last week that I was going to be seeing F this week and finally I agreed to see him last night. All day he was actually getting on my nerves, he was texting me all night about where and what I wanted to do for dinner and shit the last thing I wanted to do was make that decision. JUST PICK ALREADY WOULD YA!
So I got off work headed home and started getting ready, it was horrible. I really look like shit lately, nothing fits me and my face looks just plain ugly, I have some many cute going out to dinner clothes and none of them even looked remotely good. My hair feels like straw and all I want to do it cut it all off. Right now it is about down to the middle of my back and I wish it was to the bottom of my ears but I'm sure I would look even worse with it like that. At least now I can hide behind it a bit.
Anyways finally just decided on jeans, heels, and a top that somewhat made me look like I still had boobs.haha
So got to his house and when he came to the door I was pretty nervous because I did not know if I was going to want to run the other way when I saw his face, but to my surprise it was just the opposite. We hugged and started to walk out to my car when all of the sudden he handed me a bag and said here this is a little gift for you, he said I thought you could use it after all that you have been threw with moving in the last week. Well we get in my car and I open it and to my great surprise it was a gift certificate to a day at a Spa. Massage, facial, mani pedi, the whole deal.. Is that the sweetest thing or what? I wanted to cry because he really has no idea how wonderful that would be right now! To bad that my head went right into ugh now when I get a massage some one is going to be able to see my body. Why can't I just enjoy the moment.
SO we got to this awesome place for dinner called "Sushi Groove" which is the coolest sushi place I have ever been to, really dark, super trendy, a DJ spinning, and fun people all over! It was packed. Thank god for reservations.
I so needed a drink by this time and was feeling the whole beer thing so I ordered a huge Sopora or however you spell it and drank it way to fast. Anyways we had awesome conversation and I really took the step and opened up to him about a lot I mean A LOT! He is so about wanting to be there for me, I told him all I would be doing is being an added problem on him and his great life and he just wants me, problems and all. How is that! I sure will never know!
So anyways dinner came and my god it was so yummy!! I took it easy and did not eat too much but I did eat. The only thing was, was that I had so much anxiety about getting up and going to the bathroom. I talked to him about how I was feeling and he just listened, no advice but to just keep talking to him. Guess what I FUCKING did it! I even went to the bathroom when we left to actually pee nothing else! I sure as hell wanted to but I didn't.
SO we got to his house and all I wanted to do was to leave and go p but he asked me to come inside so I did! I laid down on his bed and I think due to the beer I completely passed out. Next thing I knew it was 2 in the am and he was waking me up to tell me! When I sat up I had a bit of a freak out but manage to work threw it. I managed to tell myself that by that time the food had already been digested and I just had to deal with it. I even managed not to take any laxatives.
I feel really mixed about the whole thing! Part of me feels freaking disgusting and the other part of me is happy because I know my body needed it!
I think the guilt got the best of me though because first thing this am I went right back to the same ole thing!!! And how many Lax later!!!!!
Here are a few quotes that F sent to me that I loved!! He sends me one every day!

This is a saying....
Love yourself as you are. You are often enough aware of your faults and problems. They need not be dwelt upon. Instead give yourself credit for your list of positive qualities and accomplishments. Move forward with a positive intention


I think this is the daily struggle for every person in this world.


The quote now:
"When your playing with your children, love just happens." Louise Hart
That one is for you FF!
This is the most honest and true quote I have ever read.
Well I know I have a lot to deal with and work with but I think Im going to try to cut myself a little bit of slack this afternoon! Im gonna try to at least!