TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I am beginning to see why family and friends of people with ed's get so frustrated and feel like they want to yell and scream. Why do we as humans do this to the people that we love and cherish? I can remember one of the of the treatment steps that we did when I was in inpatient that was called "Resentment and Regrets", what we had to do was for basically everyone in our lives (well the most important ones) that we felt like we had resentments towards or done things that we regretted we had to talk to that person and ask them if they would participate in the exercise by taking the time to write down both. I did this process with my mom, dad, and my sister. There were a few others I would have loved to have done it with but time did not permit. Anyways in doing this exercise, part of it was done in our group therapy. During this particular treatment I was at Presby Hospital in Dallas TX, so since I'm from California my family had to fly out to do this with me. We had to sit in two chairs in the middle of our family group session and read to each other all of our resentments and regrets. This was seriously by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Not only reading all of my issues but also hearing what I had done to hurt all of these people in my life that I love more than anything. It made me open my eyes at that time. Then what happens other than me being right back at the place I started. How in the hell does that happen?
Whatever I don't know what to say to this person.....I just wish they would get some Fucking help. I hate this place.
This morning has been a bit crazy, I stayed at my new place last night "by myself" and it was wonderful.....I have not slept all night without meds in months and months! However in waking up the first thing I did was to realize that I was alone and I took that as such a great opportunity to b/p. Which of course I did. Not a good start to this beautiful sunny Friday.

Ok so about the date.... Well we met at our usual Starbucks in town, for some reason after a year I still have an issue with him picking me up. He lives in San Francisco so I guess it just works better this way. SO I got out of my Jeep and walked over to his car, he looked amazing errrrrrrrrr so frustrating. I actually felt OK not great but ok.

We decided to have dinner in my town for the first time. We went to this awesome place called the Union Hotel. We went in and had a drink and an amazing dinner, we were in the middle of an amazing conversation when all of the sudden there was a freaking EARTHQUAKE. Can you believe that? I wanted to cry. It was only a 4.2 but I sure felt the hell out of it! I have not felt one even though there has been quite a few since 1989...One of the big one's.
I HATE them there is nothing else that scares me the way that earthquakes do. The first thing I did was I called my dad to check on them and Little C. Thankfully they did not even feel it!
So dinner went on I even had a few bites of dessert. Crazy I know! Although we both know that I made my way to the bathroom before we left!! Always carry a toothbrush!
When we decided to leave we went outside and were walking to the car and looked at the car and saw that this huge I mean HUGH tree (like 100 years old) had fallen basically on the bumper of his car.. Small dent but if the damn thing had fallen 2 inches over it would have been completely on top of the car. This tree completely blocked of the entire road.....hahaha sucks Can you believe that!
Anyways he drove me back to my car and said that he wanted to see me again on Sat. Will see about that one! He gave me some of the sweetest kisses ever. I don't think I have ever kissed someone who is a gentle as he is. Then I went home! All in all a really nice date!
Stepped on the scale a few minutes ago and thought I had gained but to my surprise I had actually dropped another lb. felt good although I know I will be on there every time I have even a sip something to make sure nothing changes...