Yesterday.........well not so bad actually only one purge, granted it was a rough one, I'm think my day was not so hard because I was moving all day and had a few sugar free red bulls, I was wired and had no want to eat or stop working.
Went to bed feeling pretty fat though which is usually the norm, even if I do weigh less than I started the day out at. I swear my tummy feels and looks like it stretches out through the day..YUCK!!!! I hate what happens in my head. Will that damn voice just shut-up already.
I'm missing my little man so much today, my step mom has him for the day on Thursdays and will keep him threw tomorrow since I have this date thing tonight. Not really looking forward to it even though this person and I have been playing games with the whole relationship thing for the last year... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!! Whatever if I feel this much like shit why do I even bother. Anyways back to my little man..I got his room all set up, so freaking cute! Got him the set up at pottery barn for kids it is the surf board theme, so damn cute. He has yet to see it but I hope he loves it, he is only 2 1/2 so not sure he will even pay any attention, but that is ok as long as he feels at home in our new home together! My mom and I were watching him while he was sleeping last night, it was so precious, 1 arm was behind his head, 1 foot was sticking out with no sock on (cutest feet ever by the way) and his mouth was wide open. He is BEAUTIFUL!!
Today I'm feeling a bit all over the place. But whats new, all of my blogs seem to be that way. I start at one spot and end somewhere completely different. I guess I type what pops into my head.
Sitting here at work listening to snow patrol and thinking about one blogger that for some reason will not get out of my head. I'm so scared for them and I hate it when no matter what you say to someone they refuse to listen. So funny that I think I can give my two cents, god knows I should just keep my mouth shut and practice what I preach. But where would the drama be in that. Hey anyone out there have any idea of what to do about this whole dark circle under my eyes issue!! It is so ugly!! I almost hate looking in the mirror. Why is it that in almost every mirror I look into I see something completely different? I hate those fat mirrors that no matter what you look like or how you feel that day the fat mirror tells you a different story. Then you get the ones that are awesome and you know are so not real........because there is no way my arms are that skinny. by the way I do have the most ugly and skinniest arms ever!! Only skinny place on my body! Monkey arms. Man this ought to be an interesting date tonight.
Work has been really slow today which is ok I guess just not so into seeing patients when I'm feeling like complete ass.
Ok time for a funny...I just got an email from my sister who said that she was just told by her co worker that she had TP sticking out of her pants....booty side.....hahahahaha how embarrassing is that...
Gawd I love her!
Ok time for my charting, ugh Im tired!
Wish me luck!
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4 comments:
Hope your date went great!
OMG, love the TP story!!!LOL
Lauren, I've just caught up with your blog, I have a little boy too, 3 years old, so I know EXACLTY how feel when you talk about him....they are just the TASTIEST things in the world aren't they? I love him to bits, love him more than ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING in this world....my ED has gotten better since he's come into my life...just think of your little boy waking up without you b/c of your ED...doesn't that just make you ball your eyes out??? Think of that whenever you feel like sucumbing to urges...it helps me, that's for sure.
Lots of love
Frida
PS: how did your date go?
Frida,
What you said to me about my little man just had me crying. (its a good thing)when my little man was born I swore to myself that I would never go back so I stayed healthy for almost 2 years, it was all about him and still is I just have forgotten how to get back there. I want him to be proud of me! I know you are right just like you are in many of your posts that you leave to people. I wish so badly that I had the stregnth that you do but sometime my messed up mind wonders what kind of a mom would I be to him if I was a big fat unhappy mess, which when I think about it that is how I feel quite often so back to square one I guess!
Anyways thank you for your words.
Happy Friday
Don't get me wrong my friend, since Little E was born, I also have had my fair share of struggles. The pregnancy weight gain, once he was born, made my life a living hell. Even though I never got as bad as I had once been, it's still got bad. It's not only about wanting your babe to be proud of you, it's wanting your babe to have his mommy around for a long time...it tears my heart apart when I think of how this stupid disease could tear my family apart if I don't take caution. Be careful.
Love
Frida
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