Religion! I'm not going there!

I'm tired, I need a nap and an ambein, and a good meal that I will keep down, and a nap and a vicodin to get rid of this pain in my jaw or at least give me some relief (I'm seeing the Dr for this tonight) and a nap.
Last night was quite interesting, I have mentioned before that my dad is a Jehovah's Witness and so last night when he was leaving for meeting (church) I said bye dad I love you and he said smiling if you loved me you would come with me. I laughed it off but in the back of my mind I could not stop thinking about weather or not I was really letting him down because I chose to live my life in a different way than he does. Actually staying with him has really been nice although I find myself hiding my b/p instead of talking about it which works for me right now, at least until I get this thing under some control. Anyways when he left and got to church I realized that they have been talking so much about religion and little remarks here and there about Armageddon and the shit that will happen then which this alone is one huge reason why I do not go to church or follow any religion, they all scare the shit out of me! I refuse to have anyone tell me that I am a bad person ever again for not believing what they do or that I am going to die because I choose to have a relationship with people who are not JW's. NO WAY!!! I'm done with that shit!! God it pisses me off just writing about it, hmmmm maybe I do have some built up shit towards that.. Wouldn't surprise me one bit.
Religion is a sore subject for me,, no kidding!
SO moving on, tonight is my first group, and I'm so worried that I am either going to walk in to this place where there is a group of women/men who are all littler than me and that I'm going to feel like a complete fat ass who has no reason for being there and that everyone under their breath is going to be saying what is SHE doing here, SHE is healthy, look at how fat SHE is and why would SHE ever think SHE could come into OUR group! I hate how I feel right now, I want so much to be healthy I just want to be healthy with my ed. Is that possible? No need to answer I already know.
I am so sick of waking up 5 times a night, lately the lax have been making me vomit as well in the night, not to sure why but I get really sick and puke and then I feel fine,(completely worn out but fine) is that bad? No need to answer that either I know the answer.
This morning after I got ready I had a few minutes to sit back and relax, while I was doing that I got the weirdest feeling like my body was completely melting into the chair and I could not pull myself out, I was totally dazed, so weird!! I'm a mess and fat! I have these freaking belly rolls, no matter how much I lose they are still there, laughing at me. I want a cinnamon roll!! ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I hate this!