I hate head games!

Ok so now it's raining out and I have no jacket and I'm wearing a short sleeve scrub top!!! ERRRRRRRR it was beautiful this am what the hell happened!!
I hate Mondays why do they even exist, lets just drop them and go straight into Tuesday......
So I finally was able to sit down and watch "The Holiday" god I loved that movie!!! It honestly I think made me make a decision on F and what the heck to do with that whole thing!!!! I decided that I want to feel that "want" for someone and I don't feel it for him. I have a great time with him and I want to feel it for him but I just don't! He took me to this amazing Italian place in the city on Sat which was incredible and I'm sure would have been better had I been able to follow threw with one fucking meal but whatever then we went and saw this play called Beach Blanket Babylon. It was so freaking awesome!!!! I really had such a great time. Why can't I like him??? We went back to his apartment and started to smooch for a bit but as soon as things started to get heavy I stopped all action and off to sleep I fell!! I have no idea what to do, I don't want to play games with him which I think is exactly what I feel like I'm doing even though I am completely honest with him, well as honest as I can be without hurting his feelings. Now he wants to take me to a soccer game in Oakland on Wed and I really want to go but for selfish reasons, not so much to spend time with him, although we always have a great time together. Also I have a group on Wed and part of me would rather go to that. My sister keeps telling me that I cannot have this be an added stress to me but I don't know what to do he is so sweet....

So I just got a phone call from the Dr. I saw last week and she told me that she does not feel like she or the other Dr's can help me so she wants to refer me to someone else, god I liked her too!!! Now the search begins, where to go where to go or do I even want to go? That's the real question. I have a group tonight which I cannot wait for, I so need it after this weekend. I went and saw my mom on sat and shit I cannot even tell you how much I love that woman...She is the most healthy and beautiful thing other than little c in my life. She asked me something that for some reason I cannot get out of my mind! She said how are we supposed to do this Lauren, how do we raise C without you? God it made me so sad to hear that. I don't want c to lose me but I just can't stop this. I need help!!! I give up I give in,,,,,whatever I just want this over!!!
Can it be 2:45 already please........... leaving early!