I just got a surprise visit from my mom, she had a huge bouquet of daisy's for me!!!
They are by far my most favorite flower in the world. I don't deserve them though! I don't deserve anything nice from anyone!
I could tell that she had been crying all morning which made me feel like complete crap because I'm doing what I swore to myself I would not do again to my family.
She said to me that she was no longer going to pretend that nothing was going on with me. She said when she saw me on Sat she thought I did not look well at all and then when she saw me on Sunday she said I had looked like I had dropped 5 more lbs. She said I look unhealthy.......Why is that standing out in my head? The to thin thing I can handle its the unhealthy thing that stirs shit up for me!
I want to stop crying and I want for this freaking voice in my head to stop telling me what a fat ass I am and that if I keep down that salad or sandwich or a freaking chip for that matter I will gain all my weight back! I don't want to die I don't!!!!!!!! I want to be free and thin now is that to much to ask?
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7 comments:
oh Lauren, everyone really cares about you! You're right that it's scary to think about digesting your food and possibly gaining weight. I don't think your mom sounds like she would have said something if she weren't really concerned. Is there any part of you that can see how the weight loss isn't healthy for you or what's best for your boy? It doesn't have to be a big part, maybe one that knows you just don't want to die.
I'm so sad for you, dear. This is serious! And it sounds like it's getting more and more so. Please be careful with yourself.
love,
ae
I have a huge part that see that, Im just having a hard time finding the stregnth to pull it out!
xo
is there anything you can think of that would let that part have more say in what happens? is there any way we can help you with that?
love,
ae
I wish you could be healthy, Lauren. You mom and everyone wants you to be happy but YOU have to want it. Are you talking to anyone?
If you're not healthy, your little man will go up with an unhealthy mom, or without one at all.....take care of yourself, there are many more things on the line other than your thinness...and babe, you are so thin, you need to gain some weight.
Love
Frida
Kids def. see more than we think. My mom tried very hard to hide her ED behaviors, but I knew something was wrong.
PS Your so stylish in your pic. I love ur outfit!
thanks K
you would neve believe how cheep it was!!!!
Bargain Shopper
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