#5 There is NO F&C%ING WAY

Ok so first off I'm so pissed of about the results from last night's American Idol! America what in the hell are you thinking???? ERRRRRR
Well I guess my real secret is out I'M A REALITY TV ADDICT!
I think our scale here at work is doing something funny because there is no possible way I lost 2 lbs over night. Although I would love to believe that was true there is just no way. Shit, well what I want to know is when will my weight be ok? Is it 92lbs is it 90lbs is it 88lbs? Who knows really, what I do know is I don't want to all of the sudden be 85 lbs and back into treatment.
#1 There is no F&%KING way
#2 I cannot lose my job! Best job ever!
#3 Cannot risk anything with little C oh hell no that's #1 my bad.
#4 My family would simply hate me bottom line I will have failed all of them.
So now all I need are steps in in the right direction which would be which way from here?
I'm so tired of my daily life, energy, and every thought going to my ed and when I will get to b/p and how many lax to take today and when to take them and do I have enough or do I have to make a run to Walmart which is a total pain in the ass. God will this end? I hope

So I'm so happy that it is finally Friday. I get to see one of my best girl friends tomorrow and another one tonight so that will totally be encouraging to me. Well unless I have to eat with them which in turn might turn out terrible! SO F is in Tahoe this weekend and has been sending me the sweetest text messages all day. He won pretty big last night and wants to take me away.. Super great thing is that he always includes C when we talk about that kind of stuff. C met him once when we were seeing each other and they fell in love with each other right away and maybe that is why I pulled back so fast!! He is my little man not so sure I'm willing to share him or if he is willing to share me.
Well not really in the mood to bitch too much right now sorry if I do so much of that I know it is a pain but god it makes me feel like I can breathe so never mind I'm not sorry!
Anyone who reads this I hope you have a wonderful Friday and are able to have a peaceful weekend!!
With love Lauren!