I cannot even begin to tell you the anxiety that I am feeling at this very minute.
It literally feels like I cannot breathe, not sure at all where it is coming from but I actually have chest pain. Not chest pain where I feel like I need to see someone just chest pain that says something is not right today.
Sort of had a hard night, and not sure what to do with it.
Ugh I talked to my mom yesterday and she really wants me to be back in therapy but I'm having a hard time with that because I feel really lazy when it comes to the thought of finding one that will except my VA insurance, it is such a pain in the ass.
I wish I could just fall into someones arms and cry, then maybe I would feel better but I'm thinking that is just not going to happen for me right now.
I want to go home
I want to b/p yet again and
I want to numb out to this anxiety.
I could really deal with things if I did not have to feel anything but I know that is no way to deal with things.
I'm tired right now........
Sorry there is not a whole lot I have to say other than I want to breathe without feeling like I'm going to break.
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5 comments:
Lauren, I'm thinking about ya. I hope you do go back to T. I know finding a person is a pain but you will feel better if you go back. Think about it.
urrrrr my comment didn't go through!
what I wrote is that I wish I could give you a huge hug and we could just sit together, breathing deep, and being okay.
I also wrote that I think it's time to go back to T. I think it could really help you help yourself. You have done it before, you can do it again, there's no doubt in my mind.
I love you!
Sarah
Anxiety is really like a monster inside of us, and once it rises up in attack mode it is the worst, most unsettling feeling in the world. I hate that you went through this without calling me, I really do. When the ED behavior is strong is when that monster is so ready to strike. Please know I'm here if it does again.
I KNOW what a pain it is to try to find a therapist and deal with the insurance crap but maybe make it a goal to call one a week until you get somewhere? Something to make it not feel so overwhelming?
Hugs,
DG
Lauren, you driving us all nuts ... what's up, little one?
You are in pain? Angry?
Please don´t ... that´s only gonna make you worst.
Take a deep breath and a good walk ... or put a lot of hot water into the tub, some nice oil in the bath and ... in you go!
hi L - you can do it! i just arrived at your blog for the first time, so i'll have to go back and see what your story is...but don't go back to b/p - there are SO MANY other options for feeling relief from anxiety...i'm still figuring out what they are, but know that we're here rooting you on. (and understand that i'm saying this from a similar place - i want to b/p EVERY day. EVERY hour sometimes. it's SO hard...but the longer you get away from that behavior, the easier is gets...)
thanks for letting me in on your story...sending you many positive thoughts and lots of self-adoring energy.
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