Wow, first off I have to say to sarah, that "god babe", I love you darlin.....U so freaking brought many smiles to my face today...
I'm having a really weird out of body day today... There is some pretty scary stuff going on with me right now, (well I think it's scary) but going to wait until its dealt with to chat about it. My anxiety is really outofcontrol lately. I have never dealt with this and don't know how to other than to try to breathe... I went to the grocery store with M the other day and totally had to walk out because being in a place like that with him scared to poo poo out of me... What is that about? I'm the one who has no one in my life to fear as far as he is concerned.
I feel like I'm going to vomit, not purge just honestly vomit at least 20x a day. It is such a shity feeling to have and I simply do not know what or how to deal with it. All I know is NO MEDS>!
God had such a shity day yesterday........... Food wise not horrible but not great either.
I cannot even collect the words that I want to type right now without feeling total panic about it.
So this is how bad the anxiety is...... I went to get a syringe to give a pt an injection and since the med is a multi dose vial I had to wipe it off with some alcohol first,,, well right on my counter I have a bin with alcohol pads in it and they come in packs of 2. However today there was one pack and one of them were missing out of it. I wanted to fly off the handle........... Not sure why because it is just an alcohol pad and there were several behind that particular one but seeing a single one there all alone freaked me out, I felt the chest pain and shortness of breath immediately..
"How pathetic you must be all thinking" I am!
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18 comments:
... my dear, please come and take a sit ... I'm going to give you a nice and warm cup of tea ... relax, take a deep breath and then go to sleep ...
hi lauren,
sending you some sunshine, a ray of warm sun, a patch for you to lie down in, to breathe...to catch your breath, to feel the ground beneath your feet.
I don't think you're pathetic, at all, woman. I know that terror of anxiety and panic, I know it all too well.
I'm here to talk, or listen, if you need.
much love,
lulu
(breathe...in......out.......slowly.......steadily...)
Thank you for your support my sweet Quint and sister Lulu!!!
UGH I so simply want to be able to breathe!!!!!!!
I'm so angry with myself.
Hey Lauren,
Whatever else is going on in your life is prolly what made you freak out about the alcohol swab. That is sooooo normal! You are sooooo normal my dear. Please do nice things for yourself tonight and keep us posted on your health.
xoxo
Sole
lauren...baby doll, you are a special to me honey. I don't know all that goes on in your life...but I know this. You are a wonderful special person. From reading some of you in this blog. I know that about you.
We all have our days. Sometimes you just have to step back...and that is what you did. Nope not wierd...pretty darn normal honey.
Hugs and kisses for you babes...I love the pics of you blowing kisses in the prior post. :D
Lauren, you are anything but pathetic. We all have panic attacks. Besides which, I don't think a pathetic person would be capable of being a mother and I don't think a pathetic person would be so supportive of others.
I hope you feel better soon.
XOXO
i don't think you're pathetic AT ALL, friend. it sounds like you're really having a rough go of it...anxiety isn't fun - no matter how you slice it.
i'm sending you as many positive vibes as i can muster...and hoping that whatever is going on works itself out for the best.
You are not pathetic, my little SF shopping buddy.
I'd love to catch up one weekend soon. I could really use a big bear hug from you...and maybe we can freak out a few people at our table. Haha. Maybe I'll have to fly DG in for it, too!
I sent you a text tonight. I hope you had a good laugh.
*big major bear hug*
NOT pathetic at all. What you're going through is very normal...anxiety is a bitch...you should talk to an anxiety therapist...Big C went once b/c his anxiety was out of control, and in 1 visit, he changed 100% and got his anxiety under control. NO caffeine....that is one of the biggest triggers.
Love you
FF
Hey Lauren! Hope you're okay.; Hey, we had a deal so you need to make a phone call, I believe!! Right!!! Maybe you can get some anxiety meds.
No no no, not pathetic. God I hate EDs. This is what they do to us. They make the anxiety worse, even when life itself isn't really any different. It is is a downward spiral and so hard to get out of.
I'm going to try to call you tonight after my date since I may actually be awake at an hour that works with the time difference! ;-)
I love you girl, hang in there today. I'm praying for peace and a calm spirit for you.
Ahhh anxiety, I know it well. I myself just got back on my anxiety meds. I normally do about every year and a half to 2 years. Somehow I get out of balance and 3 months on them clears it up, then I can go another 1-2 without them. Also...I know you don't like the thought, but exercise is great for anxiety. Just some thoughts....
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this girl. I know how uncomfortable it can be to have anxiety and still have to function. And I'm not sure what other scary things are going on, but I hope your getting some support around it. At least by your mom if no one else. I know you two are close.. :-)
Anyways, just sending you my love and best wishes. I'm here if you ever wanna call or have a text fest ;-) you know we're good at that.
Mmmmwwwaaaa!!!!!
hi Lauren,
I'm a little late but here...how are you doing now, a couple days later?
I can completely relate to the bubbling anxiety...I admire you for breathing through it, so much.
xo
ae
you are NOT pathetic. (and I love you too!)
anxiety is a horrible thing and it's not logical, so don't even think twice about the alcohol pad being the thing that set you off. it could have been anything.
I hope you're breathing a little easier today my sweet sister.
xoxo
Sarah
Hey honey pie, since it's almost weekend I came on over just to say ... be strong, be brave, have fun ... tons of kisses from abroad!
hi lauren,
hope today your breath is moving easily. I am thinking of you and sending you some sunshine. take care.
love,
lulu
Have I told you today how much I love you?
Carla-Not today till now sweetie, but I love you to tons.
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