Weird but I'm feeling so completely out of sorts and not sure why!!!!
Ok so I have to confess that I called M back... I know you are all thinking "What a big dumb loser Heidi is" but man I just had to...It would not leave my mind had I not called!!! I left him a message and he called me back after he got out of a class he has!
It was weird though for the first time since I met M I felt like I could actually be myself,,there was NO me trying to impress him, me trying to get him to want to be with me, me angry with him, none of that it was simply just being friends and having a check in phone call. I honestly felt great................
Ok maybe I am not being 100% honest
It did really feel like all of that when I was on the phone with him but when I got off there was a bit of another story! I missed his voice plain and simple.... He was such a shit to me in the end and I let it happen but all in all he made me laugh like no other man has ever done for me, and I miss that about him.. I guess the main good thing about this tale is that I think I am actually over this M stuff. Not in anyway did that phone call make me want to be with him. I am so much happier not checking my phone every time it goes off hoping it is him or wishing for him to call and want to see me......so much happier...Now I look forward to all of the sweet text's I get from my amazing friends...I feel safe with you!!!! Loved by you and cared about by you!
So M peace out stud!!!!! And I would love to be your friend with VERY minimal contact!!!!!! TEEHEEHEE!
Let's see body issues!! I'm ok with it today.....I think......well.....whatever for right now I am OK! Not liking how I feel in my skin very much but I'm dealing and somewhat making it through.... Had a bit of a slip today, wait what the hell does "a bit of a slip" mean?? I slipped. Look at me trying to skip out even on MY own blog!! Are you kidding me Heidi snap out of it, you do not have to hide or lie or as Jade tells me- be Lauren.... You CAN be Heidi ick even saying that makes me cringe!!!!!!!
Work...................................leave it at that, not into talking about it!
All else, well going to dindin tonight "alone" and loving it, then off for a
bit-o-wine.... CHEERS to me and all of you!!! MUAH MUAH MUAH
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6 comments:
Hey Sweetheart!! Just stopping in to say, good job on the M deal, and good job about being honest with yourself about slipping. They slipping part is part of recovery...the fact that you admit it, and acknowledge it shows you are in the process of recovering, no matter how long or short it may take.
Love you lots,
Frida
I'm glad you were able to gain so much insight from your phone call with "M". I'm also glad to see that you're starting to realize that you don't need shit-heads in your life anymore. You're a wonderfully sassy chick that has more than enough capability and ability to surround yourself with healthy people. Its all about standards and boundaries. Keep them high, just like your chin. ;-)
You're wonderful, honey. I'm glad to hear the latest with M.
As for the slip -- it happens. The most important part is that you're honest with yourself about it, and you are, so good for you!
love you sweet sis
xoxo
Sarah
I understand all that and more about M, so there is absolutely NO judgment about being a "loser" for calling him! Even if we all find it impossible to stop thinking those things about ourselves at times, we've got to stop typing them!! I'm glad you felt clarity about him and deserving someone better!!
Love ya,
DG
Hey Lauren.
Just stopping in to say hi. Way to fess up to yourself too. I like the "little bit of a slip" though. :)
Since you are happy, who cares about the rest?
Heidi happy, me ok! Ugh! Ugh!
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