This is for you!

Ok so the only way that I am able to respond to all of your posts to me is to do it out in the open where you ALL can see! I have to say first off, I was so terrified to open my e-mail this morning, and I cannot even begin to describe how sick I was last night worrying about what you all were going to think of me.

Please know all of the love that I felt, and all the tears that have already fallen!

LuLu, Sarah, ae, Faith, Carrie, dg, I have NEVER in my life came in contact with anyone who is as special as all of you, NEVER! I have been feeling so much hate for myself and I have had no idea what to do with it other than b/p and it is tearing me up inside, I see myself looking in the mirror and loving the pain I am inflicting upon myself, and I know that is a bad sign! I LOVE you women all too much (actually I do not think that is possible) however I NEED you to know that no one has ever listened to me and tried to understand my feelings and weaknesses and horrible acts upon others and myself the way you all do! I need to make it VERY clear when I say that NEVER ONCE have I felt judgement from you, it is my own fears, and now I know that 100% I am able to come here to this place I treasure and feel no worries only the knowledge of knowing that I am cared about for me and only me. This place and YOU have given me something that I have never received by anyone (except my mom and chance) and that is unconditional love.

I feel like I cannot take that deep breath that I know I need to because if I do I will completely break down, I need to cry I need to breathe and I need to feel all of your love that you have shown me. I cannot imagine my life with out this blog world and you, this is my secret world that I treasure being a part of.

Thank you for making me feel like I am not a horrible person even though my actions show otherwise!

lulu and Sarah, thank you for telling me to remember to breathe, I think that was were I lost it, so easy for me to say but so f'ing hard to do! I treasure you soooooooooo much!!!! I love you my sisters!

dg, I would give anything in this world to not feel this pain of our ed anymore, not only for me but all of us, your words of wisdom always leave me thinking, not many people have a way to make things stick and you do! Love you

Faith, thank you for being my new amazing gift! I'm so grateful for you and your friendship!!
Love you

ae, I have always treasured you words and support!!! ALWAYS I love you!

Auntie Carrie, you sweet wonderful woman, honesty is not one of my best assets so thank you so much for acknowledging that, I think I really do need to continue with the healthy purging and not the negative, Little C and I send you so many hugs right back!

I want to breathe, I want to breathe, thank you for making me feel as if I am worth breathing!!!
I truly love all of you!