Im such a clutz

First off I just want to send out such happy wishes for an amazing holiday weekend to you all!!!!!!

Today is kind of an odd day for me, getting mixed reactions about everything from my roommate, I feel like I am constantly doing things for her not to get mad at me! WTF? I know this is probably all in my head, but I actually think she was pissed off at me for not being home last night? I went to listen to some live music and drink some yummy wine with my mom which ended up being so freaking fun, god I love her and how NON judgemental she is being with me unlike my BEST friend! After that I went to see Mr. W you know what I hate that I call him that so dammit its M! Anyways I have been really worn out with feeling like I have to defend myself, I f'ng hate that. I'm gonna be 30 in a damn month and there is no reason for me to defend myself to anyone, even saying that feels defensive.
The hardest part about M is that we talk so much and I cannot remember the last time I laughed and as much as I do with him. He told me last night how beautiful I was and that every time he sees me he thinks I'm more and more beautiful! Bull shit or not it feels so good to hear those words from a man that you do NOT want to run away from.
Ok so kind of a funny story, totally embarrassing story,,, I was telling my mom about last night........ Ok so when I first went and hung out with M I was sitting on his bed post...... anyways TMI I know but so I went to lay back on the bed and completely did a back flip off landing on my face......It was so sososososososos funny, he was like UHHHHHHHHH r u ok??? I started totally crying I was laughing so hard. I seriously laid there for like 20 minutes I felt like the biggest ass ever. Its one thing to have something like that happen when you are with someone for along time but my god the first night we were together are you kidding me? SO when I was telling my mom this story last night I realized that this whole thing was worth it to make my mom laugh the way she did last night!
Being able to laugh right now is so huge for me because I know it totally brightens my day, maybe not the extent that I would like for it to but definitely to a point that FEELS GOOD!
I'm starting to not feel so confused about M and I think that is making me feel bad, I don't know why I have not been able to just give myself a break, god can we honestly really help who we care about? I'm so starting to think no! I mean shit I know I had no say when it came to all of you, I fell in love right away!!!

Well I'm seriously about to fall asleep so I think I will quit for a bit, sending love and happiness to all of you! MUAH! Happy Friday