Harry the H.....Funny how this is all I could come up with!

Mistakes................
Or are they?
SO a freaking crazy weekend to say the least. My little heart is sad and confused and feels empty.
Long long long story short I saw Mr. Wrong on Friday, not ready to talk about what happened, but maybe I will talk soon, I promise. Lets just say still trying to process what has gone on with him and what it has turned into.
All I know for sure is that my heart is sad and confused, I HATE even dealing with men.
I swear I ask for the drama because in my life I feel like without it I am forced to deal with my own personal shit, which I cannot seem to do right now, however I have a sick feeling that I will have to very soon.
Going out shopping on Friday and then to a wedding shower with A who is his soon to be ex. I saw her for a few min yesterday and was feeling not really guilt but jealously. I know this is so spastic but that is all I can get out.

Well on a high note, I'm going to go see a friend of mine, actually someone I dated 11 years ago tonight in SF, he is living in Texas and is married and has a little one, out here till Friday for work. We are TOTALLY just buds, and I am really excited to just be with a male where there is no issues with. A normal male friend.

Ok here is one thing I am pissed off about though, this morning I woke up with a little tingle on my lip ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR what the fuck, can you say COLD SORE!
What is that about, it has been 8 years since I have had one, and now lucky me lucky lucky me I have this huge scary monster yelling out at people on my face. God it hurts. I have been putting alcohol pads on it all morning and trying to dry it out but don't think its working, So this will be me tonight "Hi there C :big hug: remember me? Oh ya and this is my friend Harry the Herp!)
GOD are you serious.
So this post is feeling very superficial but I guess it is because I am really not being very honest with not only myself but also with all of you.

I moved this weekend, and it all went really good, a lot of work and everything is falling apart in the house but truly I am so happy to be living with my Silly S!
Our place is a work in progress and will get better and better with time, but it is cute as shit I have to admit!
Well considering I did most of the work ha!

My weekend surprisingly went really good with the b/p thing, however after Sunday due
to stuff with Mr. Wrong I spent alot of the day crying and feeling depressed, I hate feeling..... I just fucking hate it, it is so weak.
Since then things have been NOT SO GOOD AT ALL!
I hate that I do not know how to deal with out purging, is makes me wonder if I wasted another 3 months of both little C's life and mine, trying to get help, and for what? TO be right here alone, scared and fighting a losing battle.
Mr. Wrong and I had a pretty intense conversation about god and higher powers, he kept telling me how he hopes I am able to find mine and that he wants so badly for me to see my beauty from the inside out as well as outside in!
I was so uncomfortable with our conversation he commented on the fact that I could not even look at him let alone sit still which could not have been more true, and I sort of felt like he was going somewhere he had no idea of or business talking about. Part of me was so jealous that he had that connection that I crave. I told him about an experience I had during a guided imagery that we did in treatment where I saw my higher power, I wanted to break down but thought it was just not the right time, never will or would I give myself to someone like that! He encouraged me to hold onto that and do more work with it, but god the energy it takes to do it just seems like more that I can handle, why would my higher power give a shit about me!