Die urges DIE

Tuesday and I still feel like I do not have a whole lots to say....How is that possible! I have been catching up with all of your blogs this am and that has been keeping my mind pretty busy, which is good!
My weekend went really good, I think.....can't really remember, went to the most beautiful bridal shower, I swear it was no joke, and best part was NO GAMES! They drive me crazy I always feel so out of place and put on the spot.

Ha it's always about me right?

Had a few glasses of the bubbly, yum and then hung with my mom a bit, talked about Mr. Wrong alot considering I was at the shower with my gf A. She sticks to the whole lie thing, and when I told her that made me feel weird she said something that I had not even thought about. I told her that I did not want to lie if anything came out and she said why so you can feel better about it? (she said it nicely though) and I thought about it for a min and what happened was I realized that that was the deal I did not want to have to deal, and I gave no thought to how it would effect her. Im thinking that she would be pissed at me huge but at the same time she is with someone else, betrail I guess, ugh makes my tummy hurt.
I have had a few really rough days with the bulimia. It is beginning to feel way to comfortable, I need to get into therapy NOW! No question about that, I have been replaying all of the food I eat throughout the day and how much I purge and trying to live with the reality of it all and Im just not doing a very good job.

I'm tired today
My head is sore
Im lonely
Im missing my little man big time today
Im confused and not sure that will change!

My poor little man got his 3 middle fingers slammed in the door last night by one of the twins that I now live with. I know my gf felt terrible and like always I went out of my way to make sure all was ok with her while trying to be there for my man! I actually felt sick and so helpless, I started to cry, seeing him in that kind of pain was just not ok for me, It brought me back to when he cut his lip open at 1 1/2 and they sewed it back up without numbing it and strapping him to the bed, I could not even stay in the room, I was having a panic attack and they said that I was making it worse on him, what kind of a mom leave her child because they cannot handle it! This pussy mom! (sorry for that I hate that word) anyways I have to get past that one finally! C slept in his bed in his room for the first time, almost all night it was awesome!! I was so proud of him and me, god knows it was hard, I get to do it again tonight hahaha! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hating that I have these damn urges, will they ever die?