Monday, April 14, 2008

Falling Behind, but trying so hard to stay ahead!!!!

OMG guys this last week has been so crazy, apps after appts after appts, will it ever end????
My head has been in complete overload since my RN meeting and I have had no room to even process, all I know it I need a 3 hours appt with the school to get all of my shit in order and get in the right lane....
My Jaw is so fucking out of whack, I literally could barely open my mouth this weekend without popping it back into place and trust me the B/P shit does not help at all! I told my Dr, that the V med that I was taking was giving me headaches but I think it was the birth control I was on so I have stopped that and they have gotten a bit better but I think all in all the V works better then the harsh pain meds!!
5 slip-ups today.... that's all I have to say about that one!!!
I really do not know what to do about this pain, I just don't want to wake up sometimes and deal another day with it let alone the fact that I have to purge to be able to live with myself another day!!!! I cannot wait till my appt on Wed am, I have done some research on some TMJ stuff and have been trying to work with it but it is a pain in the ass and who really has time for that shit?
So need less to say my head is in some serious pain and yet again I had to go to urgent care this weekend for my bi weekly dose of med to even be able to deal let alone open my mouth to eat. A few years ago the topic of surgery came up and I was totally against it but holy shit the way things have been going I almost feel like it is the right thing to do....
B/P front......not good at all and started on the milk of mag which I know is horrible but fuck how do you get out of the shity cycle... mia has been in my life for so long that I have no want at times to lose her. I truly love her and I love that I can turn to her at any time with no judgement except for my own, which I can live with.
I want really to sit down and eat a meal and not feel anxiety and fat thoughts and just simply enjoy without the panic about hitting the restroom while no one else has to!!! Then I get to deal with the issue of everyone knowing my issue which fucking sux!!!!
Ok I'm so done for now work is so effing crazy today and my patience level is shit!
I just had a nurse from Kaiser ask me what my deal was today...now we all know that is never a good sign!!!
Bye loves!!!!!!
To you my sweet sweet girl have an amazing night!!! xoxoxox

6 comments:

Spiky Zora Jones said...

oh baby...I wish I was there yo help you in any way you wanted me to. I dont really know what you're going through. I feel helpless to help you. I think it is something you have to work out on your own, but I do believe in you. I know you can do anything you want. You have so many here that love you...I am here for you too. You make this planet so much better. Yu make me smile. I want to hug you and look into your eyes...and tell you everything is going to be alright. I truly believe it will too. You are stronger than you know.

Have a wonderful evening and tomorrow. :D

Jade said...

:-( sorry things are so crazy right now. I know the last thing you want to do is drive over here and hang out with me, but...could be fun and a distraction from everything. Hookah and Sangria!
Let me know what I can do for you hun. I'm here. Close, will drive to you meet you half way.. whatever. Just know you have someone that wants to be there for you emotionally, and for a hug if you need it. I might not be the one you want offering, but the offer is still there, and very sincere and full of love!

sarah said...

oh sweet lauren.

I'm worried about you. I know it probably doesn't help to hear that, but I so want this pain to get the fuck out of your life.

I dislocated my jaw tonight (it happens every once in a while and hurts like a M**THER&%@#ER) and I can only imagine being in that kind of pain chronically. I'm so sorry.

Please let us know if we can help.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, with lots of love.
love,
lulu

Mary said...

Hey sweetie,
I wish I could do more to help. When things feel so frantic and out of control I know the ED feels like the only comfort we have. I so know that. I hope you get some direction at your appt tomorrow--let me know how that goes OK?

If surgery comes up, it may be worth thinking about. Obviously there will be some eating/nutrition issues to address if you have it so PLEASE have the support and guidance you need if you go through it.

You know I'm always here. I'm sending you some serious prayers and good vibes for a good day today. Is there any progress on moving into your own place?

Love you,
DG

lauren said...

Jade I love you sweetie!

PTC said...

Hey Lauren,

I hope things get better for you and you feel better soon!! :)

I'm too tired to focus right now but I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about ya.