The new journey I guess

So not to sure how exactly to start this whole blog thing off but I gonna do the best I can. Ok after saying that, I am completely at a loss for words.
I'm a 30 year old single mother who is basically a complete mess. I have been suffering with Bulimia and Anorexia for the last 12 years. I guess I was a late bloomer when it came to my Ed but when it came..... it came with the vengeance. I was always having issues with my weight although what teenage girl doesn't? I have been in and out of treatment centers and every time I come out a new woman.....Or so I think! It seems to be only a matter of time before I am up to my same old tricks though.
My son is 2 1/2 years old and truly the joy in my life. He makes me laugh, cry and leaves me completely breathless on a daily basis, although at times I want to pull all of my hair out too.
Alot of the time I feel nothing but guilty when I look at him because the last thing I want to do is affect my soon in a negative way and all I seem to be doing is setting him up for a life with a mom who has no control over anything except her ed and that is even in question.

I was on the straight and narrow for a really long time, well as straight and narrow at I could possibly be, that is up until about 15 months ago, where I started restricting again that right along with a few other things. However in the last month or so I feel like I have completely lost control of everything. I am eating so little and when I do actually decided to eat a meal It takes EVERYTHING I am to not purge which usually happens. I have been reading blogs for about the last 6 months or so ranging from Jeremy to frida to palmtreechick to several others and they have all left such a deep mark on me, all in such different ways. I read about all of you who are in complete recovery and working so hard to keep yourself there and some of you that have completely given up to those of you that are in the same boat as I struggling each and everyday to do the right thing and make the right decision but what is the right decision? I really don't know anymore.
I do know for certain that when I was in treatment journaling got me through alot of the hard times so maybe this blog is a step in the right direction. Who knows..
Recently ok I'm lying but in the last year or so I stepped back into the dating world which when I look at it now may not have been the smartest decision to make. I just started dating someone ok F about 1 1/2 months ago and for some odd reason I only get the men who fall in love way to damn quickly... meaning I heard I love you after 2 weeks.... as well as talk of marriage!!! WTF don't men know how to date anymore! Nothing like scaring a woman off. Ok to be fair he is one of the sweetest men I have ever met!! I guess no man has a shot when it come to my relationship phobias. I run.....
Well I know this is all over the place but for the most part it was just important for me to start so there I did!!!