I keep thinking that this will be the last time, no this will be, no tomorrow will be.....but it never seems to end just a disgusting cycle of b/p. Today at lunch I swore to myself I would stay at work and eat my healthy little snack which I did but as soon as it was over where was I but out the door in my car and at the first fast food dump I could find...Ate till I could not breathe and purged for what seemed to be forever! Then I made my way to the scale which made me even more crazy because I gained again!!!! ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I hate this life. Anyways I just had to get it out or I thought I was going to lose it.....
I want to be thin I have to be thin I need to be thin I will be thin...no matter what
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2 comments:
Hi Lauren! Nice to meet you. Don't worry, you are not alone, and definitely not in the blog world. I'm sure many more people than you think read and are affected by what you write. That's the cool thing about the internet! I can SO relate to that "this is the last time" thought; story of my life!! Keep writing :)
I relate to you in this entry so much. Back when I was really struggling with my bulimia, I would *always* tell myself that I could control it.. that I could eat what I was going to allow myself and that would be that. It never failed that as soon as I ate it I had to have more, find more, and then of course purge it all. You are definitely not alone, I feel your pain. I hope soon you can find the strength within to fight the cycle, atleast once in awhile. It all begins in small steps.
Take care of you,
Amanda
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