Life without Gray's "No Way"

Today has been interesting, I woke up feeling a bit refreshed which was so nice for a change.
My little man slept like crap too and had me up quite a bit. Not sure if this whole moving thing is making him sleep bad or if he is just going threw a change! Whatever it is I hope he starts feeling better, it hurts me to see him sad and unhappy.
I watched Grays from last week finally last night and cried like a big lame baby threw the whole thing. I swear I am totally addicted to that damn show.....working in the medical field I never have been able to watch the medical shows unless it was like Trauma life in the ER or some reality one, but for some reason since day one I have been hooked. Its the drama part of it I think, like I don't have enough of that in my life right now as it is.
Talked to my ex from like 7 years ago last night. We actually talk quite often, however mainly when he is alone. He is in a relationship,,,,I think,,,, we don't much talk about her because they have a child together and it ended up being one of those situations where she stopped the pill and never told him. BITCH! She knows how to pick a good man that's for sure. So long story short he moved them into his house so that he could eventually be granted more custody. He is an amazing father. I miss him! We saw each other in Vegas last year for the first time in 6 years, it was like no time had passed at all. We have this bond the neither one of us can quite explain and I think he may be a big reason why I cannot commit to anyone else. Big problem happens to be he lives in Nebraska and neither one of us are will to make the move! I guess actions say it all pretty loudly.
I'm at work all alone today, both of my nurses called in so that leaves little ole me to hold down the fort! It's quite and not a good space for me to be in considering I have already managed to b/p 2x today and its not even 11:30... Im just hoping I can manage to make it through the rest of the day without anymore. Problem is I love the after effect more that any feeling I have ever felt... And when that feeling feels better than even sex there is for sure a big freaking problem.
Having huge issues with my thighs and tummy again today, I feel like there are times when I cannot even see my feet, so lame I know but push your stomach out just far enough and it happens,,,,ok maybe not but feels like it! I want to be better so badly. I think.
I'm tired of doing my makeup and making myself look nice to just go and mess it all up by purging and having my eyes drain with tears!
I feel like I look like crap lately, my eyes have these unbelievably huge dark circles under them and my skin feel so dried out. I look like I'm 80.
I'm taking tomorrow off of work so that I can get some more moving and unpacking and shopping done, need to get a new comforter for my bed, a girl always needs new bedding when she moves. So most likely will not be posting tomorrow but who really cares.