How is it possible that I can read over and over stories of people dying from bulimia and be scared to death about them and turn around and still continue to engage?
Will this world of constant B/P'ng ever cease to exist?
Seeing the number drop brings me nothing but joy......
I hate this world of fucking eating disorders..............
Why was I one of the chosen to live like this....
I can't sleep for anything lately, I'm up stressed all the time, I have nightmares all the time, one after another after another after another......................
I'm starting school next week and I have found myself trying to figure out how in the hell I am going to maintain my ed and school and being a mom and working all at once.
What if I fail at one of them what if I let one of them down?
I hate that my ed is my soul companion.... its not fair that I have to suffer with this.
It's just not fucking fair.
I'm sick and tired of hearing people tell me that I look like I have lost more weight, luckily I have had strep throat and have been able to blame some of it on that.. All that does when people say those sort of things is put me on the defense and make me angry and I am not that kind of person.
I find myself not caring about my relationships with men and women and hiding and running away from all of them just so I don't have to feel the pain of them walking out one me. Why in gods name would I ever let someone do that to me again? Not gonna happen, I will be the one to leave first mark my word on that!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Sweetheart have you seen anyone for this eat8ing disorder? If youhaven't please do...I love you and don't want you to ever hurt. Please always know that your family and friends want you to always be happy. Please try everyday...it's a battle won day by day.
I still read you too...okay.
xxxxooooxoxoxoxo
Oh, hon!
I worry about you so much. Call me any time; I'll talk to you for as long as I can.
You're in my thoughts and prayers, sweetheart.
hey lauren. this post really spoke to me. so much about the fear of failure -- it's palpable. and i get it. really, i do.
the first few lines in particular are so powerful to me -- how IS it we're able to feel so much compassion about other people suffering from the same thing, and not be able to stop it ourselves? it's a fucking conundrum, isn't it?
how is school going? i'm guessing it started already, yes? i'm thinking of you and hoping you're managing just fine. you are amazing to take on all of this at once, all while being an incredible mother.
you will get through this time in your life. you will. and we're here to hold your hand along the way.
xoxo
Post a Comment