Why do I delay????

I swear sometimes I feel like the worst bulimic ever......
I hate this feeling of failure,,,, I feel like I cannot even be good at my own ed sometimes, and it totally throws me for a loop.
I have felt very withdrawn lately, but I am happy to say it has really been for a positive reason.

Things have been really busy and I have been working so hard at trying to be in recovery but sometimes it is just to hard. For the most part lately I have had ok days, to be honest not one day has gone by where I have not engaged however they slip ups have been fewer and fewer, I'm not sure if there will ever be a day without.

Sometimes it just feels like way to much to give up and I'm just not willing to do it, not for anyone. Selfish I know however that is the honest truth!
Sometimes I wonder if I really have mia in my life or if it a game with myself! Sometimes I love mia so much that I feel like I would die without. Is that weird?
Especially when I know mia can be the one to kill me!

My body feels disgusting and I'm having a really hard time with that because there is someone in my life that has completely changed it for the better,,, well someone other than little C.
I can honestly say I have met "the one"!!!!
Actually I have known him for a few years and he is amazing, kind, gentle, and completely in love!! heehee I love that part.
We have dated a few times in the past but due to where I was at I just was not ready and honestly I treated him like complete shita! Luckily he has given me one more shot and for the first time I can actually see myself (too soon to say I know) married and spending my life with someone!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh he met little C and it was great, well the Harley does not hurt the issue either considering C loves motorcycles!!! (I'm a fan too)
He is so excited about getting to know him and just spending time with both of us, which is exciting and scary at the same time. Bottom line is C is and always will be number one ALWAYS and N knows that and would never ask anything else!
Well really wanted to just take a min and check in and let you all know that I have been checking on you even if I don't comment I want you to all know how much I care.. Sometimes its just to hard to comment,,,(s-you know what that means!)