"Eggs" one of my Clean Happy Miracle's

Chemistry is important in every relationship, but in the end, you must also be on the basic timetable as the people in your life for complete harmony to truly exist. Chemistry is either there or it isn't -- but being on the same timetable is something you can affect. It requires effort to understand what your friends need, and it takes effort to let them know what you need. Your honesty is critical right now, so don't hold back what you really feel. -


SO that was my daily relationship horoscope..........not so sure what or who it is referring to or if it basically is everyone, hoping that since it is a romantic one that it is just for the men in my life and not my friends.......keeping my fingers crossed.

So thanks to ae (thank you so much) she talks alot about the "eggs", honestly I had never thought about it before, and then..........

Safeway here I come.........

4 18 packs later I finally felt that High again, only this time it was not from engaging in behaviors it was from being able to release for the first time in a really
really
really
really
long time!!
I
Could
BREATHE!!!!!
Inhale and Exhale for me and I know alot of people with ed's have a really hard time on that inhale but dammit I did it.

Thank you thank you thank you ae~
I plan on doing this quite often!
At one point when I was throwing the f out of these eggs hitting everything in sight-(secret place I found) I completely LOST IT! I have not cried like a child who was thrown from a bike and lands on there face since that actually happened to me 20 years ago.
I could not breathe at this point and I could not even stand up. I found myself being so angry at so many people in my life (mainly men) I felt like since I was alone it was actually ok for me to explode like a complete mental case, shit we all know that is what I am!
Men in my life.........hmmmmmm where is it even ok to begin with that! One thing I learned in treatment this time was that I always take on the mans control role, never to I let myself get involved (keep um interested Lauren) if you keep up with these rules no man can ever get close or make you feel weak or belittle you again!
This is what I have done for so long and the 2 times I do open up my heart,,, something about those men I get stepped on! WTF

Do I really deserve that? Maybe now I do!

I need a pedi.....maybe I will do that for my date with Sushi Boy tonight!!!! Yep thats right, F M and move on to a sweet man who is moving to Hawaii in 7 days. Smart one Lauren. Although he did say that he wanted little c and I to come visit him. Hey free ticket to Hawaii who can pass that up? Not so into the whole him meeting little c thing I just don't do that but damn it would be a free trip for him too!!!!
Lets GO BUBBA!

I talked to M last night for the first time since Sunday, he wanted to say hi and make sure I was ok! I told him I was "fine" and totally tried to play that tough girl roll and he said you know how I know you are not "fine"? I said how? M then said because you have said you are "fine" 25 times. I said nothing other than I am.

I was so sad and so ok with the conversation.
Leave it at that I guess!!!!!

I have to say Im so bummed that I cannot go on Sat Carla!!!! SOOOOOO SAD!!
We WILL meet soon!

Totally looking forward to this weekend, taking Little C to the Zoo on Sunday and a going away party for Sushi Sat, should be a well needed break. I swear these short weeks seem longer than a regular week~! My boss's daughter was on that new show "Don't Forget the Lyrics" last night little hottie green dress and won 50g's god how nice would that be???? Cute show I guess but forsure not something I will be watching any time soon again! Sure ain't no Big Brother!!!!

Well ALL sending you all tons of love and smiles and sun this weekend!!!!!

Bye Bye