Mrs. C.......
All went really well, Im so happy!!!!!! (about that)!
However......Always a however
After work yesterday I got some really hard news that I knew was going on but I have been avoiding because I don't think I will be ok if anything happens!
My Nana (grandma) went on Hospis care, had her first dose of morphine and did feel a bit better but I know what this means.
My nana has COPD, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, caused from Emphysema and Lung Fibrosis. She is on Oxygen all the time and gasps for almost every breath she takes. I have been avoiding seeing her because I know me and I know that all I will do is cry if I do,,,,,that and the fact that I don't want to believe any of this is happening!
How can I deal with losing my nana?
I can't
I'm scared
I'm sad
I'm angry that it got to this point and she did nothing to fight!
I'm sick best way to describe!
My body hurts
My mind hurts
My heart hurts
My spirit is drained
I miss being loved and held
Why can I not have that at a time like this?
I don't want you to die Nana!
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7 comments:
I'm so sorry Lauren. I know how you feel. I had to watch my grandma die last year and it was so painful. She was in my dream the other night, so I know she's still with me.
I'm so sorry, Lauren. I hope you are able to spend time with her before you lose her. I am sure she would love it too, and I know it would mean so much to you.
Please keep us updated on how she's (and you are) doing.
love,
ae
Lauren, my good friend, if you believe in the Good Lord maybe you can find some stenght there.
And try to stand next to your "Nana" as much as you can. You know, sometimes you don't even need to say anything, just being there and holding someone's hand is enough!
Losing someone sucks. In my life time I have lost my best friend, a lady I called Nana and to me she was my Nana. I loved her so. My Nana, my father-in-law and my father.
It's never easy. Each loss is different and painful.
Paul
oh, I am so sorry Lauren. It's so hard, I know.
I'm thinking of you and Nana today.
xoxo
Sarah
So sorry to hear that Lauren. Prayers to you and your family now. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Nana would want that.
Thank you ALL for your sweet words, I have no idea where I would be in my life without them! Im going to see my nana tomorrow and my heart is breaking, I do not want to cry in front of her but Im afarid I will not be able to stop it! I cannot even talk about it without breaking into tears! I love that I believe all of you more than anyone else I love you all so much.
Hugs to you today and always!
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