Bitch Bitch Bitch

So badly wanting to have a happy post today, and so badly not wanting to feel! I think I'm going to start taking my anti depressants again just so I don't have to feel.
Work is really slow and I hate it when that happens because it gives me just to much damn time to think about all that is going on with me.
Little C is doing really well, I had a conversation with my roomie last night about a few things that were really bothering me, one being that I am NOT going to take away or not allow my son to do something because she does not want her kids to, I told her point blank, this living situation is not just about her and her kids dammit, and I'm sick already of trying to accommodate her.
I pay the fucking rent to and shit I'm the one that feeds and cooks for her damn kids on a nightly basis so back the FUCK up S!
Sorry just had to vent for a sec.
My nana..............................
I'm so scared about tomorrow, I'm so worn out I cannot even begin to explain the way I feel. I talked to my step mom today about it all for a bit and she said that I needed to remember that she lived a great life and that she is just ready! I want to think about it like that but I guess I am just selfish and I want her here. Her husband is 92 years old, and still plugging along, I swear every year at Christmas I would look at him and think or wonder to myself "Will he be here next year"? Never once did I ask that about my nana. NEVER ONCE!
It's not fair, I have lost so many people in my family, two cousins, there dad, both my grandfathers, another cousin and my auntie! Just really makes me realize that life is way toooooo short and time goes by way to fast!
Death fucking sux!

SO on the M front, he left for Texas today, errrrrrrrrrr! He kept telling me its just a wedding nothing is going to happen with the Texas woman, which I think I believe, he told me that she was the one who ended it but who the hell knows I just may be back on here next week talking about him being a lier,,,lets hope not!
I told him that I was asked out on a date this weekend and that I was not sure if I was going to go or not. Still aren't, my mom thinks it would be a good idea. It is with this really sweet guy B and he is cooking me dinner..... very cute indeed!
I just know my head will be with M~
I'm supposed to have dinner with my gf (the soon to be ex of M) tonight, and god knows I have no interest in going which I feel terrible about because all that will be talked about is M and her new love and I just cannot take it anymore. I don't want to know anything anymore, just leave me the fuck out of it! I don't care anymore! I canceled on her for a concert that we were supposed to go to in SF on Sunday mostly because it is supposed to rain but I guess hugely because I can't deal with her "STUFF" its always about her. Sad thing is I cannot even begin to talk about my life because of M.
Ok done complaining for today!!!
Sending so many hugs to all of you and want to say thank you again for your unconditional support!!!!! Love you