The DMV is so my new friend!

SO I just got off the phon with the DMV and they received my poilce report which stated that I blew a .06 and gues what........................... they dismissed my case!!!!

THANK EFFING GOD!

I still go to court but at least I get my licence back instead of this horrible pink DUI paperwork!!!

Crazy weekend for me, packed the whole time and had dinner with a sweet but VERY young friend.. ugh whats my problem!!!

Anyways not much to say today just wanted to give new bit of info especially for you Jade!!!! Muah darlin and thank you for the sweeties email!

Oh and here is my new cut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you hate it????

Hoping for the best...Expecting the WORST

SO here is a bit of an update...... Things are going ok I guess, I started school yesterday which felt really good, along with my prep for nursing school & human development class I'm taking a yoga and step class,, together it is a bit of 3 hours 2 times a week,,, not bad for starters I guess and it felt so amazing to got off my lazy booty again...
Also I made a phone call to the Napa County Police Department and the woman I spoke with checked the report and it DID say that I blew a .06.. I needed to make sure of this because I had to file an appeal to not have issues or charges pressed by the DMV and when I spoke with the SF DMV they said that if they got my paperwork and it stated the I did blow that then they would dismiss my case and not press charges,,,, so please all of you I know I fucked up but please please please keep your fingers crossed for me.. I cannot deal with that.. I do however still have to go to court to face the charges from Napa County on the 18th. Who the hell knows what the deal will be with that but it is just my arraignment where I plea Guilty or Not Guilty.... NOT GUILTY is what I'm going with (I think)!

My move is slow but it is happening, I have to be out by the 9th of next month which is hell with all that is going on right now but I am really trying to stay positive! Little C is doing great he is staying with my parents quite a bit so that I am able to get packing done and get things taken care of.
I miss him so much when he is not with me but I do know he is in great hands to say the least.
I have seen my roomie since our fight but have talked to her here and there but only about the move and our landlord. I'm so over our friendship. I hate to say that because we have been friends for 15 years but damn you don't treat your friends the way she treats me. At least not true friends.
Love life well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ugh way to much drama now. That seems to be the one of many parts of my life I will just never get a hold of.
Mia is strong right now but I know I have gained back what I lost and it makes me so freaking insane!!!!! I refuse to even get on the scale way to scared...............!
Still trying my hardest to not drink, but had a huge bit o shit to deal with on Friday and did have a few however I never left my house!!! I think I learned my lesson. I hope I did because 2 DUI's is no effing good!
Well I miss all of you dearly "all that are left" and the ones gone....muah muah muah DG!!!

When it rains it really does,,,,,I mean really really does!

Oh my god!!
Seriously none of you will believe this one!!!
My weekend:::::::(
Ok so it started out pretty good my roomie and I decided to go downtown to a few of the local bars,,,
we were having a really great time together, we both drank alot and we ended up at a bar that I really don't like going to because to many people there think they know me and can talk shit about my personal life,,, well as it turned out M was there (please say you remember him) and my roomie hates him I told her to effing chill out because I was with her and had no intention to hangout with him... she is so the jealous type HOWEVER when we all decided to leave I decided I was going to stay at my moms, and my roomie went home. Or so I thought.. On my drive to my moms she decided to follow me to see if I was really going to go there which I did but I also was talking with M on the phone and he wanted to talk so I agreed... I met him and we went back to his house, which is where I discovered I was way to drunk to even be there.. I ended up getting upset with him and started to cry,,,,,,,,, errrrrr not the right one to cry infront of... thank god he knew I was drunk and was actually very sweet with me. Well when I got to my moms that next morning I checked my text messages which there just so happend to be 5 from my roomie... see she is supposed to go camping this week and she was saying in the texts that she was going to cancel her trip because she did not want M in HER house,,, are you kidding me Sarah???? So I bucked up and called her at 7:30 in the morning...hahaha she starts yelling and screaming at me that I was a lier and that all I did was lie about M.. (like it was any of her fucking business) well to make a long story shot I gave her my 30 day notice........ FUCKING FINALLY!!!!
So here is more......
My mom and I ended up going downtown to go to the yearly Peddlers Fair we do this every year on her B-day.. Well this year we basically walked right past everything and headed to lunch and lemon drops,,,, had 2 there and then did a bit of shopping,,, then we went to the next pit stop and had another drink.. We were there for quite awhile and then headed to the next..... had a beer and maybe 3 sips out of another,, we ordered more food there and left to go home,,, well on are way home we fucking stopped for something else to eat!! I know so gross..... my mom and I sat down and started watching "Rumor Has It" and my mom passed out asleep... I decided that since it was my bestest friends son birthday I was going to go see them in Napa, so I got in the shower and got ready. about an hour later I jumped in my jeep and headed to Napa which is only like 30 min away.. Well I guess I may have been swirving however I honestly felt fine, shit it had been almost 3 1/2 hours..
WELL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Next thing I notice I have 3 yes 3 police cars behind me all with their lights flashing............. fuck HEIDI
I stopped and had to get out and do the field sobriety test which I thought I passed but instead they said well we still think you are under the influence..... they took my jeep and thank god parked it in a near by parking lot instead of to the impound.. They hand cuffed me yep that's right and put me in the back seat,,, ps if you have never sat in one those things are like fucking plastic rocks! They took me to the station and I ended up blowing a .06... well I guess they were not happy with that because they also drew my blood which I have no idea how that came out but long horrible scary story and 5 hours later they let me leave. Called me a cab and I drove home.... I cannot even believe this shit happened as I type it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I was arrested, needless to say I will not be drinking for a very very very long time....
I cannot even go into what happened inside because it makes me sick to even think about it!
I called the police station today because they gave me a court date of Sept 18th and they took my DL and gave me some form to take to the DMV. However they marked on the form that I blew a .08 or higher... I have no idea what to do because the cop told me I blew a .06..... I do not want to turn in some paperwork to the DMV when it is not what happened. Well the cop that I talked to today said I COULD NOT get a copy of my report until my court date!!!!!!! WTH is up with that?
God I really do hope this was a good thing that happened....... or at least has some good outcome!
Holy hell!! I'm beat and lets just say MIA is not happy!!
PS Spiky my sweet,,,,,,, to answer your question to getting help,, the answer is oh yes many times,,,, many hospital stays 3 inpatient facilities and way to many therapist to count!!!
I miss you!!

WTF

Oh my god it is amazing to me how even when people completely fuck up their own life I can still hate mine more........................case and point......... My brother has been dating the psycho woman on and off for the last 2 years lets call her W,,,, Well when they broke up this last time he went and slept with his other psycho ex will call her L... well L called my brother the other day and told her that she was prego.............so last night both psycho girl decided to gang up and brake all the windows in my brothers car and total his motorcycle........... (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME)! So my brilliant brother calls my parents with the news today and my parents both tell him that he needs to get his shit together and make some pretty big changes in his life,,, so what does my brother go do???????????????????????
I'll tell you what the dumb ass did,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 2 hours later he goes and gets married to W......... Yep that's right he is now married to psycho #1 and expecting a baby from psycho #2.....................
I'm so pissed off at him I can't even think straight.. not only that but my other brother found out 2 weeks ago that his gf (amazing woman) was prego and they got married last weekend........WTF both of my brothers are now married and I did not get to go to either wedding..............ERRRRRRRRR.
Now there is me and my baby sister left not married, she is the smart one out of us 5 that's for sure. I feel so pathetic..................... No one wanted to marry me when I got prego,, shit I know it would have been horrible had I married him but wtf.
I want to B/P right this second but won't because it has happened 3 times today already and I'm feeling like shit!
Good thing is my weight is still dropping,,,,, slowly, but it is and that is where I'm at right now!!!
I know I sound so neg lately and I'm sorry for that,,, well if there is anyone out there that still reads this shit but that's just where I at right now.... FED UP!

How??

How is it possible that I can read over and over stories of people dying from bulimia and be scared to death about them and turn around and still continue to engage?
Will this world of constant B/P'ng ever cease to exist?
Seeing the number drop brings me nothing but joy......
I hate this world of fucking eating disorders..............
Why was I one of the chosen to live like this....
I can't sleep for anything lately, I'm up stressed all the time, I have nightmares all the time, one after another after another after another......................
I'm starting school next week and I have found myself trying to figure out how in the hell I am going to maintain my ed and school and being a mom and working all at once.
What if I fail at one of them what if I let one of them down?
I hate that my ed is my soul companion.... its not fair that I have to suffer with this.
It's just not fucking fair.
I'm sick and tired of hearing people tell me that I look like I have lost more weight, luckily I have had strep throat and have been able to blame some of it on that.. All that does when people say those sort of things is put me on the defense and make me angry and I am not that kind of person.
I find myself not caring about my relationships with men and women and hiding and running away from all of them just so I don't have to feel the pain of them walking out one me. Why in gods name would I ever let someone do that to me again? Not gonna happen, I will be the one to leave first mark my word on that!