Sleepy girl snap out of it!
That is the best I have today..
So much has been going on in my life it has been unreal! Some good some bad but the best part is that I'm going back to school next month and so cannot wait,,, also starting a 2 hour yoga 2x a week and 1.5 hour step class 2 timws a week and that is really exciting to because my lazy butt needs to get back into shape.
My mom is really worried about me working out that much but she knows I'm gonna do what I wanna do.... that's that!
Not sure if I posted about this or not but my mom was Really sick a few weeks ago and thank god is doing much better, but she has had some of her own eating issues come back up for her and finally talked to me about them the other day, she was scared to because she thought she would be a trigger,,, I told her never, and that it made me feel better to have her talk to me because sometimes it just makes me feel not so alone in this shity world of ed... My mom was ana for a very long time and has been in recovery for a long time as well but still has issues from time to time. don't we all!
Anyways today is also 10 months since my nana passed and I honestly cannot believe it, it makes me so sad and scared because I am starting to forget what her voice sounded like and I HATE THAT!!! I don't want to forget, shit she was in my life for 29 years how can I forget so soon?
Today is such a shity day at work, I am here alone and have no patients, all I want to do is sleep and dream a few more of the amazing dreams that I have been having lately.. uuuuuhhh those put me at ease!
I have not gotten on the scale since Friday and honestly after what it said then I don't ever want to get on it again. I gained 2 lbs in like a day, I hate when the scale runs my life so this time I'm trying to not let it!
Little C is doing great, I miss him when he is with my dad but I know it is good for me to have some alone time too and it works out with my daycare schedule also.... Especially since I am going back to school!
Stuff is ok with my roomie we are both trying to quit smoking but that is so effing hard,, in due time I guess! I'm really ready to move out because I have paid my time that I promised and I cant stand life with the twins anymore,,, if it was just one that would be fine but shit with there being 2 and one is a total nightmare sometime I want to pull out my hair,,, I have never seen a child act the way he does,, and all the yelling and spankings he gets I'm sure does not help matters..
I have not started seeing my therapist yet still waiting on info from my insurance, but my ex N told me he wanted to pay for it,,, we all know I would never take that from anyone especially him,, he is to sweet... Ugh why can't I love him the way he deserves....
So I agreed to do this thing with my gf on Friday night, working for her company for some show but not so excited about it now that I know I have to dress up as a German Beer Maiden,,, WTF is that about? Ugh even had to give my measurements today which was not a fun job getting,,,, I never measure myself but thinking I just may start that,, easier than getting on the scale that's for sure!
Ok enough about me for today!
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2 comments:
Hello baby doll. I've missed you here. I kow how busy a gal can get though.
I'm sorry your mom was sick...I hope is back and lots better. Your baby, he is doing well. I was worried about him too. Little ones...I just want to hold them and kiss them. hehehe.
Okay...I want to hear about your amazing dreams.
have a wonderful rest of today and tomorrow. xoxoxox
hey L...wow, that's a lot to deal with in regard to your mom. i give you a lot of credit for feeling open to talking with her about food! it can't be easy...
it does sound like a lot is on your plate, and a lot is going on in general. i'm looking forward to hearing updates about the therapist -- do you have an appointment yet?
and one last thing -- my gut tells me to say, "don't start writing down your measurements!" but that would be calling the kettle black (i wrote a few posts back about how i'd been keeping track of calories/my weight from time to time)...and i also have no right to tell you what to do. however, do try to keep your finger on the pulse of that behavior if you engage in it...and as soon as it feels like you're doing it obsessively, as opposed to just for the purpose of gathering information, let it go...
thinking of you, L!
xoxo
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