I fear.....
being crowded
being alone
being sick
being pathetic
being angry
being sad
being happy
being ugly
being pale and pasty
being fat
being fatter
being fattest
being scared
and those are just a few....
So body issue big time today......
Here in my amazing little town we have a city pool, I know that sounds kinda gross, but it has a huge slide and little C and I love going, we go all the time. The pool opens for the summer this coming weekend and I cannot even begin to imagine getting into a bathing suit around several people even if most of them are children it just freaks me the fuck out. My legs are so HUGE and not tone......I am so angry that I have not been working on myself the way I always say that I am going to do.. Honestly last summer when I was at my very sickest was the only time I felt comfortable being in a suit and even then it was really hard.
I know that I need to get over this shita but I just don't know if it is really possible.
I'm also scared because I know N likes to be really active and he really works out and has an amazing body so that scares me too..... The only good thing is that he power lifts from time to time so for the most part I feel a lot smaller than him but still my ass and legs are disgusting......................I want to just cut all the fat off and have huge amounts of lipo done!!
Fizzzzz Mc Fatty!!! THAT'S ME!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
There is NOTHING about you that is fat, my dear. NOTHING. Losing weight is not going to make you feel better about yourself. You have to work on your self esteem and what's bugging you inside. Then, you can start to feel better.
It isn´t easy beating our ghosts, but I have faith in you ... for starters I don´t believe you when you when you say you are fat, but if that came to be true ... so what?
Who cares?
You do?
Are you really sure?
And why should anyone think you were a better person being slim and thin?
What cares is what you are in heart, mind and soul and there I see a wonderful person ...
Hi babes, you start for you. You set your schedule to do it and then you do it. You work out. Once you get going it becomes routine and it feels wonderful.
Oh babes...I think you would look wonderful in a bikini. You are beautiful.
You're hot now...lucky b/f to see you ahem...in a bikini. *wink*
Ciao babe.
Hey L,
Sorry I have been so AWOL. I just caught up on your blog. And I need to point something out. You say " I I am so angry that I have not been working on myself the way I always say that I am going to do." But you ARE working on yourself. You are working on recovery and doing a lot of good work in that sense. You are becoming a healthier person, an EVEN better mom and more reflective, present friend. You are doing such good work on you. Work that is much more important than the work you THINK you need to do on your physical self.
Be nicer to you:)
xoxoxo
Sole
Post a Comment