Honestly I have never been so unhappy being in a work environment in my life!
I hate this company and all it stands for!!! I love love love my patients but other than them I hate this life here.
I need a new job!
I hate going to school and cannot seem to get into it at all!
I'm more depressed than I think I have ever been in my life-is that really possible?
I have pictured myself driving in my car and being hit by someone more times that I would like to admit. I hate that I do not want to be here, I love my son more that any fucking thing but I just don't want to be here anymore.
Weird thing is I'm not even scared to not be here other than the thought of being without Chance which just makes me sick but I don't know what else to do.
I feel like I try try try and for what? I want Chance to be proud of his mommy and god knows that if he knew the truth about me he would be simply be embarrassed, and who would blame him?
I have going to therapy and it is fucking pointless, nothing works........... NOTHING!
I had to leave my yoga class the other day because I thought I was going to have a freaking heart attack, now that I think about it maybe I should have stayed!
OMFG
SERIOUSLY, 2 WEEKS AGO MY PHONE WAS STOLEN OUT OF MY OFFICE AT WORK,,,,,,,,, TODAY AGAIN MY PHONE AND WALLET WERE STOLEN.
Please someone tell me how to not have a fucking meltdown bigger than I just had.
This all happened after I wrote the above!
I really cannot deal anymore.
I want to be fucking done!
5 comments:
I'm going to call you tomorrow, after I get my cell charged again.
I worry about you so much!
Wow girly. You're dealin with some tough stuff right now. School is very stressful. I can definitely attest to that. It can be very hard to get yourself motivated. My driving force was the fact that I hated the job I had while going to school and I knew the only way to get to where I wanted to be was to finish getting higher education.
You're definitely not alone with the suicidal ideation either. I don't think there are many out there that haven't thought about it when depressed or stressed. And the idea of you imagining it actually happening is just a way of you expressing how you're feeling inside through imagery. It doesn't mean you're losing it, and its actually very healthy that you're writing about it.
You definitely need to hide your purse at work, or lock it in your car and just take you're keys in with you.
You know I'm only a phone call away girl. I know you've crept away from our friendship but I'm always here. We can just talk shit, giggle, and if you need them I can tell you my two famous words. (;-) hehe.
Love you girl. You're strong, beautiful, and wise. You will get through this all and come out a much stronger woman for persevering.
If you don't have my number anymore email me and I will send it to you!
Lauren,I wish I knew what to say to you, I really do. Big hugs though.
I tried to call you and I couldn't get through. Love you, hon.
Lauren, I think I cam imagine a little bit of what you are living and I must say it isn´t easy ... but I'm worried again about you ... try to take it easy ... and try getting the best of what you can!
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