Oh my god can I pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase have a break!!!!!
You are never gonna believe this one. So here we go, back in December of 2000 I got breast implants, as I'm sure most of you can tell, anyways Saturday night I got in the shower and after I was done I was standing in front of the mirror naked blow- drying my hair when all of the sudden I looked and my chest to see that one of my implants had leaked and that my freaking boob all of the sudden looked like a flat pancake,,,,,,I'm sure you get me now k!!!!!!! haha
SO ya after only 6 1/2 years my freaking chest looks like I had to have a boob cut off. I have been doing nothing but crying for the last 2 days. I feel like the most pathetic person ever, I mean my god even my dad and step mom were saying Lauren it is not all about the physical appearance, my god did they just forget I just got out of freaking ed treatment? Of course it is physical only this time it is not just bad body image it is the real thing, I as well as everyone else can see it for what it is.
What the hell am I gonna do? I cannot even wear and of my clothes anymore! It is gonna cost me at least 5,000 and that is only if I go to las vegas to get it done. If I go anywhere around her I'm looking at 9,000, where the hell am I gonna get that kind of money? and with my credit no one is going to approve me for a loan. I 'm stuck. Everyone keeps telling me to ask my dad and here is the thing, I was actually even considering it until today when I talked to him and he said to me "So I hear you had a bad weekend,,,,,,,and I said yeah to say the least, and he said I like to call it a deflating situation......" and started to laugh, then he said is that not funny and I said not in the slightest.
God the nightmare never ends~!
My mom has been freaking amazing and so supportive and I know if she had the money she would give it to me in a heartbeat but that is just not possible!
I don't even know what to do with the stress and depression I'm feeling, I had another slip last night and I know it is from all of this but my god what am I supposed to do! I'm really starting to feel like treatment was a huge joke and that none of this matters. I told my mom that sometimes I just don't want to deal anymore! I feel like I am never given anytime to pull myself out of a rut before I'm in another one! God like I don't feel like shit about my body as it is right not having gained all this weight but now I have to do it with one boob! God I'm so sick of crying and feeling so low!
I just want to go home!!! I have 2 bras and 2 tank tops on today that is under my scrubs how lame
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7 comments:
Oh crap! Oh no. I am so sorry. I can't believe this is happening to you.
But please don't give up. You have worked so hard.
Ok this is kind of cheesy but it's from a movie. If you pray for patience, God will send you an opportunity to practice patience. If you pray for courage God will send you an opportunity to be brave. And you ARE brave, Lauren. Only a brave person could take the steps you've already taken to save your own life. You can make it through this, I know you can.
xoxo
Sarah
lauren, it's just another obstacle, another one you can do.
you are so strong. you are in recovery. you are able to do this.
and at the same time, I want you to know, that I really feel for you, and i can't imagine how hard it must be to hide that, sweetie.
be careful with yourself okay.
ae
Oh, I feel so bad for you. :( Is that dangerous? Don't let this little bump in the road get ya down. Or, try not to at least.
Oh Lauren, that is awful and SO not deserved right now! I can only imagine how that would play serious havoc on your mood and ability to feel good about yourself. This is temporary obstacle though, sweetie, you have come SO far. You are so much more than your appearance. You are a strong, giving, loving friend and mother.
Take care,
DG
ff you are ALWAYS there for me! I am so glad you are back!!!!! Im a mess, errrrrrrr!
love lauren
YOu're not a mess!! You're human. Please email me next time you need someone to talk to.
Love you,
Frida
oh crap, sweet lauren,
I'm sorry I'm so late to the game to pop in here and see this.
that just plain sucks. As if you weren't already dealing with enough, and you're so right - it's like God sometimes is playing cruel tricks on us, or setting us up for ironic challenges - I mean, come on, you are here tackling the biggest issues around body image and now this?!?!
I'm sending you so much love.
Hang in there.
Love,
Lulu
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