Having a hard time connecting with myself and my feelings last couple of days, and not so sure why, I emailed Lisa and told her what had been going on and got an awesome response back from her, she asked me why I was avoiding her and honestly I'm not sure if this is the true answer or if it is the easy one, but I'm just not wanting to be honest with her or anyone else about what has been going on for me. I feel guilty when I post lately because there have been quite a few slips lately and I feel terrible about them, I don't in anyway want anyone to think that treatment cannot or does not work because it can and it does, I think that I have just not been wanting to follow the directions I was given of the amazing techniques I was taught because simply I'm lazy sometimes and it feels like a lot less work to just give into my ed.
I'm tired of the quilt though, I know that people are going to do what they want no matter what I say or do and I think that sometimes I need to be just good to myself and except that fact that some days are not going to be so hot for me and some will probably be just ok and some shit I may love those. All I know is today is not one of them. I have been hating how negative I have been sounding on my blog the last couple of weeks, I'm sick of feeling like I'm making people feel sorry for me because that is so not what I want. None of you make me feel that way by the way I'm just having a bit of diarrhea of the mouth, which remind me of a nasty dream I had about poo poo and Mc Donald's last night haha gross no one wants to hear that one....
Talked to my gf S last night and we are meeting with a man and his wife who are renting there house out on Saturday, I'm really excited, I think I need a change, funny thing happened to me this am, I was having a conversation with the dietitian I work with and she said that she thinks maybe the reason why I'm having such a hard time with my ed is because I went right back to the same environment that I was in when I was at my worst and maybe it was time for a change, I totally agreed ed, even though my parents have been amazing I started thinking that maybe it is just to easy for me and just maybe it is time for me to grow up a bit and start to really and fully take care of my life and my shit, I don't know just a thought!
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5 comments:
Same environment can play a huge roll in this...I'm glad that moving and starting fresh in an option.
xoxoxooxox
good for you and changes, lauren.
You're not responsible for anyone else's recovery, you know. You're just responsible for you. The truth is, I bet more people find solace in knowing they are not alone in post-treatment slips than there are people who would think it doesn't work.
we're in this with you no matter what.
love,
ae
Slips are the nature of this crappy disease, unfortunately. It doesn't take away anything from all the success you've had and all your hard work. A day is just a day and you get to start the day over as many times as you want to. So please don't feel too ashamed to talk to Lisa. Or us. Don't give up on yourself, we will never give up on you.
Love you sweet sista --
Sarah
I'm having the same thing going on right now. To move out (again) or to stay. Argh. It's a hard decision.
If I haven't given you my mobile number, let me know. You are always welcome to call me, and hopefully we can get together for coffee one of these days!
And dammit, I wanna know about your dream.
Oh, what my point really was. Duh. Always remember that taking two steps forward and one step back still means forward momentum.
mornin beautiful. hope you are well.
xoxo
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