I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACK

Oh my god are you kidding me, has it really been 10 weeks????? What the heck.
Hi everyone, I cannot begin to tell or explain to all of you how much you were missed.
Today is my second day back to work and all seems ok, kindof hard getting back into the swing of things but my god what a somewhat clear and fed head will do for ya.
So I graduated whatever that means................ No really I am so happy to be done but at the same time I'm scared shit less. I have had individual three times a week along with my dietitian and groups all day and now I have nothing set up, the VA is taking there sweet ass time getting me in with someone and I have an ANAD group that I go to 2x a month!
I feel really strong right now which I guess is good but I get scared that it is a temp high.
I did really well in treatment I went 38 days without and slips and then I fell apart for a while however thankfully I pulled myself up and now I really have no idea how long it has been, I think 2 weeks.
It is really weird what IP has done for me this time around, I have realized that this ED is so much more that I thought it was. It has truly become a passion and the way I deal with everyday life and that is what is hard to get over. I have figured out that really I avoid everything and everyone in my life. SO much shit came up for me that I cannot even begin to talk about (maybe someday) but for now it sits with me and I try to face and confront everything on a daily basis or shit even one minute at a time! Once again whatever works.
I have realized that every time I have slipped into my ed it feels like all the pressures have lifted and something I said all through treatment was that I suddenly felt like I could breathe....only way I could describe it, which was so odd for me because there have been so many times in my life where I have used that expression only because it seemed to fit a situation but now it all seems to make sense!!
I love feeling good, well healthy, now if I could just get rid of this damn body image, its the true bitch of it all. I gained 22 lbs in 9 weeks, is that even possible haha. I have honestly not had so many people in my life tell me that I was beautiful EVER!!!! Sometimes I actually think they mean it!
Little C is doing amazing, he is completely potty trained, off the bottle, and no more blanket!!! WTF??? He is a completely new man. I took him back to daycare today for the first time and no tears, it was awesome, he is so amazing and our relationship is so much better now!! God how did I ever lose all that precious time with him. Thank all of you so much for encouraging me to do this.
I struggle everyday trust me all is not fine and dandy but truth be told it is so much better!!! I missed my life and eating a freaking meal and actually tasting it, I struggle with the guilt but have found way for the most part to work through it or I make phone calls to the other girls I met and they are such awesome people they talk me right through it! I do have to admit I have missed all of your words more though.
kisses hugs and all the strength in the world to all of you!!!! I'm so happy to be back!!!